Return of the ghost from the past.

I didn't know how do I stumbled upon my yarn and knitting needles yesterday and started to knit... and knit and knit. And then I realized I still have work to do. But I kept on knitting. God, it was so therapeutic.

I want holidays. T__________T

Like seriously. There are days I feel like switching off my phone and lock myself up in my room and read some good books or knit like an old woman or do whatever heck I want without anyone calling me.

I WANT HOLIDAYS.

Get back to reality. So many important things going to happen in a short period of time. MUET on February. I haven't even officially started anything due to my tight schedule. Chasing college and working deadlines, final semester project.

And...

Sila klik pada gambar rajah di atas untuk tumbesaran maksimum

UPU, we meet again. Luka yang kau tinggalkan pada hatiku 3 tahun yang lalu belum sembuh sepenuhnya, kini kau datang lagi. Apa yang kau sembunyi disebalikmu itu? Apakah ia pisau sama yang kau guna untuk merodok jantungku dulu; atau kali ini, sejambang mawar merah?

Maka terkeluarlah kepuitisan bahasa Cik Sarah. Meremang bulu roma.

I am scared. I really am. I still can feel the chill on my toes.

I am scared because I have scars because of this thing. Really deep scars. When I first read this (I was in my office), I felt a huge lump on my throat. Should I trust you again? (LOL. Cam apaaa jak.) But I have no choice, I have to give you another shot. Yes I am aiming for local uni, local, as in UMS? or UNIMAS. Closer to home.  Less things to consider.

Yes. It is important to me. Getting a degree is important to me. Let me tell you a little story of mine :) So, when I was 12, I got 1st place in district level speech contest - both prepared and impromptu speech. When I went onstage to get my trophies, I saw my mother among the audiences. And she lifted up her index finger (to make "1" sign - numbur satu kio), then it becomes an unforgettable image in my head.

Last week on my sister's graduation day, after Zuhur prayer we went to the changing room and I helped my sister with her graduation robe. A century later we went out of the changing room to find our parents and when my father saw my sister in her full graduation outfit, he smiled. He smiled. 

And then I made a promise to myself, I would do anything to see that smile again. And this time, it's going to be because of me. I'd do anything.

Allah, it's getting tough. I need strength. Physically and mentally.




Please grant me patience too.




Ameen.