Fragile

Photo credits to richard.heeks

Tell me how many times you've been told how fragile life is?

Today I went to pay my last respect to the father of one of my best girls. Her best friend broke the news to me yesterday morning when I was at work and I just went speechless. It was all of a sudden. No, he wasn't sick, no illness at all. When her best friend called her on the afternoon of Valentine's Day she can still hear her father's voice on the background, and that night itself... he's gone.

I went home during lunch break, after performing Zohor prayer, I just lied down on sejadah, feeling weak. Finally understand how fragile life really is.

Life is fragile, yet we still take so many things for granted.

Suddenly I felt all the problems I have between my parents and my siblings are nothing compared to what my friend is going through right now. At least, I still have them. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking since last night. Normally, when I am doing my usual 'what ifs' thinking, they were all about my career, my studies, my future. But since last night, the 'what ifs' in my head changed its topic.

What if these things happened to me?

Even the feeling of seeing my father lying wired on the hospital bed already kills me, what more if... (You know what I mean, I don't have to say it.)  I do not like the feeling. I swear I do not like the feeling of losing, even the feeling of in the verge of losing. I do not like it. It is just so terrible.

I'm stuck. I don't know, I can't find the right words to write this post.

All I can think now is that the feeling of losing is terrible. I can and I will never learn the art of handling feelings caused by losing. Please excuse me for the horrible sentence I just constructed. I told you I'm stuck with words. Why am I even writing this?

God Almighty, forgive us, we are just weak beings. Incapable of appreciating things until they are really gone. We are only capable of doing destructions. Ego acts as walls to protect, conceal our weaknesses, sometimes a weapon to hurt others, even the ones we love. I guess it's true, the greatest weakness of human being is that we are incapable to love properly when we're still able to. We can't even win over our own ego.

And I am telling you, life is fragile. How many of you will actually dwell it in your heart?