That Random Girl From Your Memory ♥

I need inspiration, not just another negotiation.

2012-01-28T23:08:00.003+08:00

Having mindblock is like a fat kid that got his ice cream stolen. It's just horrible. Especially on that time when you need it desperately. So desperately that I even googled shit like 'ideas' and 'inspirations' to get inspired. This morning I use 3 hours to finish a backdrop design - which usually only took me 30mins - 1hr++.

Yes, I need to get out of the house - to where? I don't know. Perhaps hanging out with kids. OH YES. I got an A for drawing studies in 2010 because I was working at Al-Hadanah. Kids are inspiring, really. Give them a piece of white paper and you'll get everything you need ~~in life~~. I learnt that, inspiration is just like... love - you can't force them lololll. I mean really *muka serius*. Forcing an idea out of your brain, that's where bad ideas come from. Bad, desperate... just BAD! I believe good ideas come naturally from nowhere and unexpected. And just so you know, my office is a bad incubator. Thank God for coffee and radio. Without these two, the place is just so stressful.

MUET is like next month and I haven't even done any intensive revision. I don't even have a tutor lol. ~~Talking about suicide.~~ Mama asked me to tender my resignation letter earlier, but I can't even reread the letter without feeling so upset. I mean, come on, it's been a year since I work there and it feels like just yesterday when I bragged so much during the interview because I wanted the job so badly. And then I got tortured so badly too. And I learned a lot. I get to learn a lot a lot a lot more in my workplace than in my college. Not to mention she is an excellent mentor (really strict and even calls me at night when I'm about to sleep and there was one time (or two) I got 9 missed calls from her). She may sound bitchy but after all, she is nice. She is genuinely nice.

But yes, I will tender my resignation letter on the 31st. You can't have it all at once, you see. I will have to let go one of it. I choose my studies because I know what my priorities are.

But the problem is now, I'm so out of inspirations X_X

I'm changing my topic from 'Childhood Superstitions' to just 'Childhood'. More things to express. So hide yo wif hide yo kids I'm going to visit yo neighbourhood playgrounds or kindergartens to steal some ~~kids~~ inspirations.

Oh yes, this might be a little bit irrelevant but at this cafe where I always get my breakfast from, there's this guy - he works there as a waiter. Sometimes they do deliveries to offices, shops in the whole building. Yes it's common to normal people. But what makes this guy special is that - he is disabled. Imagine sending food with your wheelchair from the cafe at 3rd floor to 1st floor. He even goes to work with a motorcycle (a bike for disabled person, of course)! Seeing him working everyday gives me hope. He's an inspiration. So YOU. Yes, YOU. You're the one with perfect body, WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?

~~Did I tell you that this guy is kinda cute too? LOLOLL.~~

Got my book vouchers. Thank God I'm still a student. Gonna hunt for books tomorrow. Fresh grads (specifically to my sister), U jelly? *troll face*

Thank You Allah.

2012-01-25T21:53:00.000+08:00

Di saat seluruh jiwa ini hampir menyerah, sekujur tubuh rebah atas sejadah, tiada lagi air mata yang bisa dicurahkan untuk melepaskan segala hiba dalam hati, tiba-tiba sahaja, hati terdetik mengatakan:

"Jangan putus asa dengan rahmat Allah."

Lalu aku senyum. Terharu.

Allahuakbar.

One more, Sarah.

You have walked this far, you're not going to surrender now, are you?

2012-01-25T07:01:00.002+08:00

浑身疲惫。
身体疲倦，
心也好累。

连灵魂都觉得累到半死。

好累好累。

Isiborangphobia.

2012-01-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

2 important things happened today.

1. Semester 8 has officially started :)
2. I just bought pin for UPU.

But I don't even have the guts to even enter the pin to fill in my basic particulars. It says there you can only alter the details for 3 times.

Lagi la sia takut wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuuuu

Furthermore last semester's results aren't out yet.

I haven't even sit for MUET.

Tulung la bah jangan reject saya lagi okay. Berapa kali sudah kamu reject saya nih? Ko ingat sa kuat batul ka mau balik balik berdiri salapas kana tulak? Wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuuuu.

Serius sia nda pernah begini takut mau isi borang. Yeah they should get a name for this kind of phobia. Isiborangphobia - the fear of filling in application forms. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaawuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuuu

I wish to have someone I love sitting next to me to hold my hand while I use the other one to fill in the details.

Tawakkal tu 'alallah, tawakkal tu 'alallah, tawakkal tu 'alallah.

2012-01-18T00:05:00.003+08:00

Full Time Student.

2012-01-17T07:32:00.000+08:00

The agony of writing a resignation letter.

Lump on the chest

on the throat

trying my best to sound professional

so she won't feel the pain in my letter.

It's been a year. Despite her tantrums, I still think she's one of the best mentor I ever had.

Harsh and educating.

Not to mention that she does genuinely care about my life, my studies, my family.

Ah, I hate goodbyes.

What more I have to do it in a professional way.

2012-01-16T22:26:00.002+08:00

Go around the world as a traveller. ~~Fck cash.~~

Art Major :)

2012-01-07T01:24:00.001+08:00

The clouds were smiling as I walked out of the college on January 5th 2012 :)

The day I finished my final paper of Semester 7, which is also my final written test in college.

The others have finished their final project and it was kind of havoc for the past few days (even on the presentation day itself) for them, but they made it! And it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Especially Sofia, she was sooooooooooo happy. Apa tidak kan. Kena bagi green light sambung di UMS *winkwinkwink* (one of the assessor is actually a lecturer in UMS) A few of them were actually given green light.

And I tell myself, I want that green light too. I GOT to have it. :)

But yeah, to be honest, I never thought I could make it this far. I mean... lol. I don't have words for this feeling. God's plan is perfect. Beyond perfect.

I remember going for Dhuha prayer in Matriculation before UPS (first mid-sem) starts. I asked God to give me flying colours for UPS and PSPM (finals) despite I have lost all my hope for Mathematics. LOL. But I have faith in Allah, so He showed me the way :) -The way out of Matriculation.

It's Art. It has always been Art all along. I was blinded by people's expectations on me and on professional careers - lawyer, doctor etc. Then I abandoned Art who used to be my best childhood friend, the one who taught me to be creative and imaginative. Art also taught me to be inquisitive and courageous. Trust me, a lot of courage and strength were needed to vandalize a huge wall with my tiny body...

Just when I almost lose all my skills, God gave me one more chance to brush it up, and even polish it :)

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Thank you, Teacher Morene... and sorry. I took 5 years to finally understand what this ~~shit~~ means. LOLOLL.

Perhaps you'll say, aiya, just diploma you want to bising already. Die happy liao. Naaah. It's not just a diploma to me. It's a diploma that being done well. Some take this shit for the sake of getting a diploma only, but I did this with a passion. I did this with all my heart. I have fell so many times in between it and stood back up because I want this. I love what I am doing and this is exactly what I want.

And so! I am officially a final semester student and I am so excited. Well yeah I've started the sketches and it's kinda frustrating because I want perfection. I am not a perfectionist -__- my life is pretty messed up, my room is more like a storeroom instead of a normal girls room but at the very least, I want all my work to be done perfectly :)

So I plan to quit my job this end of February (ngam ngam 1 tahun kio) to concentrate on my final project. I don't want any regrets, you see. I'd rather use up all the money I saved for a year to support myself for 3 months PLUS project expenses than to graduate with a lousy result. I still do freelance work though ;)

Ha. I'm so going to miss college after this. *sigh* Belum habis pun sudah sebak.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I swear you guys are CUTE!

Selamat datang ke Fakulti Seni.

...di mana Seni adalah makanan kami :)

Dan carilah inspirasi sampai dapat.

SAMPAI DAPAT.

Ada suka

Ada duka

Ada kenangan :)

Biar semuanya indah.

We got an A for Digital Photography for this portrait picture. At first each of us in d group took 934798584 of pictures and all look so crappy. And then it only took one magic capture from Nichi (her boyfriend) and there you have it.
Guess the lens is connected to the eyes and the heart to eh? ;)

Yeah I'm gonna miss everything.

Ok! Stop blogging start sketching!
*senyum sampai koyak bibir*

When the maestros finally show their FANGS!

2012-01-06T17:45:00.001+08:00

CICT DIPLOMA IN COMPUTER GRAPHIC DESIGN

FINAL PROJECT (JANUARY 2012 SESSION)

Aaron's FANTASY (Illustration)

Ben The Manila Boy's PERSPECTIVE (Illustration)

Sofia's MUSE (Illustration)

Nichi's THOUGHTS (Illustration)

Ly's DOG (Illustration)

Sifu Zul's COMIC (Illustration)

Eva's CHILDREN STORY BOOK (Illustration)

Stenley's PUN (Corporate Identity Design)

Siou bah gaman. Sadap butul. Tia singaja sia terrrrrrrrrkasi habis.

Audrey's CUPCAKE CALENDAR (Corporate Identity Design)

Dennis's LB MUSIC (Corporate Identity Design)

Cherry's LOMONSTER (Corporate Identity Design)

Cliff's BORNEO BACKPACKERS (Corporate Identity Design)

Congratulations, 'seniors'!

*rolls eyes*

~~Nanti kamu. Sa abis jua nanti nih. Grr.~~

300th post for my 2011 :)

2011-12-30T13:21:00.005+08:00

Ooh, 300th post! :D

I'm still in Keningau.

I woke up at 3AM and realized that I have to pee but I held it because the toilet is at downstairs and it was so bloody cold I didn't want to get out of my blanket until I couldn't hold it any longer... at 4:30AM. #firstworldproblems

Going into the toilet half awake, I jumped to see a reflection of woman with long hair in the mirror. Oh wait... That's me.

That was completely irrelevant.

When the fireworks exploded in the air of January 1st 2011, a gush of uneasy feelings just came into my heart. I was kind of scared of what 2011 have in store for me.

But jyeah 2011 has been an epic year. This may sound cheesy but yeah, life has taught me a number of lessons in a year. Whenever I listen to a 24, 25 year-old rant about problems I already immune to ~~(not about holding my pee)~~, somehow I feel blessed.

I'm not sure whether it's a good thing, to have a mindset older than my real age, to have more concerns than what most of the kids of my age do, but 1 thing for sure, what God has given to me are the best.

Irrelevant note: There's a butterfly came into the house a moment ago. It's a black butterfly with purple spots. :)

At the age of 20, I have bills and taxes to pay, a house to take care of, college to attend (not forgetting the loans), job to attend, money to keep, family to concern, and of course, a future to create. :)

I know, I exaggerate stuff. I tend to overthink everything. I cry a lot but the most importantly, I don't burden any of my loved ones.

I learnt that freedom is borderless... until you get screwed up by the so-called freedom itself. Living alone doesn't mean you can do anything you want. It means your parents believe that you're grown enough to take good care of yourself and know how to differentiate what's right and what's not.

I landed on a job as a graphic designer - which I went to the interview with my 'portfolio' (semester 4's magazine final project) and COMPLETELY unprepared. I didn't even have a resume then. So I bragged about how ~**InDePeNDeNT**~ I am!! LOL. Budak hingusan yang ingat dia sudah hebat di sekolah cuba mencari tempat dalam masyarakat. Honestly, I never thought she would hire me because usually the companies will only look for the graduates but alhamdulillah, this coming March, I've been working for a year. Insya Allah :)

College, working until late night and coming back after a long day to an empty home,

loneliness started to kick in.

Inhale, exhale.

It was on May when my father got admitted to the CCU. The moment I got the news, I swear it became a turning point of my life. The journey from KK to Keningau was exceptionally long. I slept on most of the journey because if I stay awake, all I was going to do is to cry cry cry and cry like an annoying brat.
Talking to the doctors, asking about his conditions, checking him out of the hospital made me realize things aren't going to be the same as before. He's not as strong as he used to, and I am no longer a kid. Sad, but true. I kept thinking of all the possibilities in life. All the what ifs, what could have happened, what would happen in the future and some other shits.

Especially responsibilities.

My brother's responsibilities has become mine.
My responsibilities.

I had a beautiful summer where I got my head stuck in the clouds with a devil.
But you know what they say about messing up with the devil, in the end, you gotta pay the price.

A painful, painful price.

September to December was brutal. I didn't even know how did I manage to go through it lol. Guess you don't know your own strength until God let you do it alone. There were times I feel so unbearable but refuse to tell anyone because I think it will only burden them. And then eventually, I felt (feel - still feeling it - perhaps) numb. Getting all the blame, getting shit thrown straight to your face (metaphorically), endless workloads, money problems and became numb. I was numbed by the pain. I think I still am. I am numb.

But when I think back, I was meant to get all shit done on my own way all along. I vandalize walls even though mum and dad had given me papers, I fixed my toys on my own, I found our way home by bus (mum asked us to take the bus and she'll be waiting at the next bus stop) after mengaji when all my sister did was crying, got bullied by the other senior girls time mengaji and went back home crying but mum just let me deal with it, I kept on getting good grades and it was like nothing, I ran along the canopy bridge because seeing the look on everyone's faces admiring a little girl running on a bridge that swung terribly... boosted my childhood ego. Lulz. AND (technically) I MADE OUR HIGH SCHOOL 50 YEARS MEMORY BOOK ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. You collegians better bow down and thank me nao. NAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Sebenarnya, saya ni cepat kecil hati dan selalu seja makan hati wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuuuuuuuuuuu

But my ego is high enough to NOT show it to the world. ~~*kontrol macho*~~

Everything I do must be not good enough.
No matter how shining I am, in the end, someone will still say 'look at your sister, she blablabla'
So it's like, I'm Prince Harry. Prince William is the crowning prince, so he has to be the finest, the sjdhfkjhdskfljdslness, whateverness.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, I do. She's the finest goooooooooolllllllddddddddd.
But please, for once, just don't compare. We are 2 different beings.
She's the goody-goody stay-at-home type and I'm the wild type.
Not wild as in partayyy wild. But socially, yeah I'm more sociable. A.k.a the worse sister. The one always gets overlooked. Ugly duckling. Yea literally, uglier.
But if you're going to continue comparing, can't help it lah, I'm just going to continue being Sarah. *grabs food, nom-nom-nom.*
Just you wait. Someday you're going to realize there is actually a person behind all these shadows. *emo wuwuwuwuwuwuuuu*

But the good thing is, of all the things I've been through,
I learnt to laugh it off and let it go,
and eventually became immune to it.

And I found the safest place on the whole wide universe is when I'm on the praying mat.

Where I can tell Him everything, cry without being called a weakling,

but as long as I'm on my safe zone, no one can ever hurt me.

When people ask for my advice about making desicions, I ask them back, are you going to be happy after 10 years by choosing that road? You have to look forward, no? Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy.

Why is that my post is getting irrelevant?

*frust*

I felt like 2011 gave me lessons of 5 years in one year. Some people (who's elder than me) might just started to experience real life crisis when I already experienced mine. Perhaps I've been through the worst, perhaps it wasn't the worst yet. But no matter what is it going to be, I'm going to stand tall to all these adversities. No matter how much tears, sweat and blood are going to shed. (Ugh, cheesy.)

But yeah. I have so many things to look forward to in 2012.. Or not. I'm finishing my diploma on early May, insya Allah :) But before that I would have to endure the agony of finishing a final project. Not forgetting MUET. Dang! I'll be having my exam at KK High School not Maktab Sabah errrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh. Wateva lah. Sama juga. And.. yeah. To fulfill my long time mission - Mount Kinabalu! If I can't find anyone to do it with me, I'm doing it alone. Yes, I am going to do it alone.

I have no specific resolutions. I just want to live happily. *cheesy*

I put a high, REALLY high expectations for this final semester.
My last stage of metamorphosis.
I am looking forward to see the colours of my wings :)

I expect you to be good to me, 2012. Can you? :)

Anyway,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012 EVERYONE!!!!!

Let's make some good memories! XD

Holidaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy

2011-12-25T07:32:00.002+08:00

I spent my week crying on my praying mat over unnecessary emotions, going home at 12PM to finish my work at the office, get my hands burnt by that bloody heat press machine, finish AAAAAALLLL my college assignments, dealing with my boss's tantrums - which involved calling me at night or during class or when I finally reached home after a long day (of class and work) or even when I was with my friend and loads and loads of additional workloads and tantrums tantrums tantrums and more human tantrums. And all those freelance works. The week had completely tortured me.

[Insert Sarah's murderous face here]

And now, I decided to torture everyone especially my boss by switching off my phone for the week.

[Insert Sarah's murderous face here (even more murderous than the previous one)]

These apply to everyone: I don't care who you are, how urgent your designs are, how dear you are to me, how much you're going to pay me ~~(unless the pay is more than RM1mil)~~. I'm switching off my phone for the week. I won't be checking my emails. I've become a robot for 359 days, please, please let me have a proper human holiday for 7 days. Por favor. Please let me be a human for just a week. Just this week. Saya balik nanti saya jadilah balik robot untuk kamu, ok? :)

I'll be back on the 31st by the way -__________________________- to celebrate New Year with the monsters! :D

Whatever. Because misi menggemukkan diri bermula sekarang. (Staring at lauk jantung pisang dengan pucuk ubi kayu masak dengan santan. Oh Lord... No wonder village people are always happy.)

Happy holiday everyone!

Time and tide wait for no woman.

2011-12-22T11:08:00.002+08:00

Perhaps some of you here never seen my hand drawn work, so there you have it! :D

A quick doodle I made in the office yesterday morning ~~(due to maximum stress)~~.

Edited with Corel Photo Paint X3.

It's like Photoshop, but I think this is much better for hand drawn editing or even drawing.

And yes, time and tide wait for no woman.

The next thing you know we'll have wrinkles on our faces and our body isn't as strong as it used to.

So chase our dream while we're young.

Do not let anything distract you and stay focused.

InsyaAllah :)

Designers Code

2011-12-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

Situation:

(After a long discussion about an urgent design)

Sarah: "So... It's confirmed then. I'll email you the design by next morning?"

Client: "Sure!!! OMG thanks Sarah you're my life saver!!!"

Sarah: (Awkward) "...aaaand I'll tell you about my charges in the email as well.." (Bab mintak duit is always the most awkward one. I swear.)

Client: "Huh?"

I believe most of freelance designers out there ever experienced this. We designers do not just squeeze our brain juice to get ideas, like one of my sifu Ah Hing said, we also have to have a face thicker than The Great Wall of China to get people pay for your service.

But please, people. Yes, we go to art school for the passion of art...

And as well to make art as our source of living.

Like architects, they don't design your house for free too, right?

Hello people. Wuaaaahhh it was a tiring week for me. Chasing deadlines is like chasing a kite with broken thread in the wind (wow metaphor zZzZzz). I wish I can finish EVERYTHING before my holiday on 24th until ~~I die~~ new year!

Well. Being a designer isn't really baaaaddd ahahahahaaa, I just love to exaggerate stuff ~~(That's what art people do :P)~~ Of course, when you have workloads piled up as high as Mount Kinabalu, who wouldn't feel stressed out??? But love being a designer, really. I've been doing art since I was a little girl and it makes me happy until today. If I'm not happy with my work, I wouldn't bother to waste my time doing it right? To me, being happy of what you're doing, that matters the most. Do not bother what other people say, it's your life and you should have full control over the choices you have :)

Apart of making designs, I tell you what are the things I love being a designer :) First, you get special rate for printing lolololll. You see, a designer knows if you're a designer through your designs. Heeeeeee. So far, I get special rate in almost ALL printing shops I've been to. When I sit down waiting for my artwork to be printed, I tend to chat with the designer and will AUTOMATICALLY talk about our designers dilemma. That's when where I get all the ideas, business strategies etc etc *raise an eyebrow*. Yeah, I might be quiet, but I absorb everything okay ;). Like what Stephen Hawking said, quiet people have the loudest mind.

Exhale.

Time flies so fast. I can't believe it's almost new year now. And yet so many things happened in a year.

Smile.

And I'll be having briefing for college final semester project on next Monday.

Final Semester.

Semester 8.

Final.

Finally.

Surah Maryam

2011-12-14T16:30:00.002+08:00

I suddenly have the urge to write this. To all my readers, I am sincerely writing this for everyone's knowledge. And to all my Muslim brothers and sisters, please, do correct me if there's any incorrect information in this post.

Salaam :)

Today I'm going to write about my favourite Surah in the Holy Quran, Surah Maryam. Surah Maryam is the 19th Chapter in the Holy Quran, it consists of 98 verses and most of its verses were sent down in Makkah, before Prophet Muhammad PBUH (peace be upon him) went for hijrah to Madinah.

It is called Surah Maryam because in this Surah it tells us about the birth of Prophet Isa AS (may Allah bless him), son of Maryam on verse 16-36.

16. And mention, [O Muhammad], in the Book [the story of] Mary, when she withdrew from her family to a place toward the east.

17. And she took, in seclusion from them, a screen. Then We sent to her Our Angel, and he represented himself to her as a well-proportioned man.

18. She said, "Indeed, I seek refuge in the Most Merciful from you, [so leave me], if you should be fearing of Allah ."

19. He said, "I am only the messenger of your Lord to give you [news of] a pure boy."

20. She said, "How can I have a boy while no man has touched me and I have not been unchaste?"

21. He said, "Thus [it will be]; your Lord says, 'It is easy for Me, and We will make him a sign to the people and a mercy from Us. And it is a matter [already] decreed.' "

22. So she conceived him, and she withdrew with him to a remote place.

23. And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, "Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten."

24. But he called her from below her, "Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream.

25. And shake toward you the trunk of the palm tree; it will drop upon you ripe, fresh dates.

26. So eat and drink and be contented. And if you see from among humanity anyone, say, 'Indeed, I have vowed to the Most Merciful abstention, so I will not speak today to [any] man.' "

27. Then she brought him to her people, carrying him. They said, "O Mary, you have certainly done a thing unprecedented.

28. O sister of Aaron, your father was not a man of evil, nor was your mother unchaste."

29. So she pointed to him. They said, "How can we speak to one who is in the cradle a child?"

30. [Jesus] said, "Indeed, I am the servant of Allah . He has given me the Scripture and made me a prophet.

31. And He has made me blessed wherever I am and has enjoined upon me prayer and zakah as long as I remain alive

32. And [made me] dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant.

33. And peace is on me the day I was born and the day I will die and the day I am raised alive."

34. That is Jesus, the son of Mary - the word of truth about which they are in dispute.

35. It is not [befitting] for Allah to take a son; exalted is He! When He decrees an affair, He only says to it, "Be," and it is.

36. [Jesus said], "And indeed, Allah is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him. That is a straight path."

According to our belief (as it is already stated in the Holy Quran), Prophet Isa AS was born underneath a palm tree and it was on summer, when the palm trees are full with fresh dates. Islamic belief holds that he was born of a virgin birth but that neither he nor his mother were divine. Actually, in this Surah, Allah describes those who say that Isa was the Son of God as saying something blasphemous, as God is the omnipotent creator and that all the creatures in earth and in heaven are God's servants. Maryam is venerated but not as the mother of God.

Well, this is our understanding according to our belief :) I am not writing this to provoke any religious sensitivity but just to spread knowledge,

just like what I understand about what the Christians believe Jesus was born in a stable on 25th December, and hence Christmas is celebrated by the Christians every year.

Other stories in this Surah includes how Allah answered Prophet Zakaria AS's prayer to give him a child, the story of Prophet Ibrahim AS with his father, Prophet Musa AS as the chosen one, Prophet Ismail AS who remains true to his promises and the strong faith of Prophet Idris AS towards Allah.

Well, you see, my mother and I love this Surah. She told me when things in life (that involve her kids) got out of control, she will recite this Surah because, she said "dia (Maryam) kan mama juga..." Heheheh.

To recite Surah Maryam during pregnancy can make labour easy as well getting a patient and obedient child, insyallah :)

Attention, Pui Chan.

2011-12-10T00:00:00.276+08:00

This was written on the 7th. I might not be able to go online on your birthday.

Hello ~~slut~~ Sabby!! You know I never celebrated your birthday with you because you're always away on December. Good for you, I guess. I don't think you don't wanna spend your birthday smell like an egg. LOL.

[insert some sappy piano instrumental love song here]

I can't exactly remember how did we start talking. It was 2005, and I was a new kid in 2 Aman while you were in 2 Makmur. I think I knew you through Zainib (ya ka?) because she was in the choir too and you both were in the same class and... yeah. Brass Bandddd. *pervy smile*

I remember you used to sit next to the window. Everytime when I walked by your class you'll call me as if there was something really important, some exciting good news to tell me (I was excited because I thought you wanted to tell me things about _ _ _ _ _ _ _ lolololololll what even ksjdfhkjdhskjdh) but when I was finally there, all I get was... "HI."

-________________________________-

It's funny to think back how pissed we were when those 2 so-called ~**MaTuReD**~ 17 year-old seniors called us childish and immature. You call me childish now I'll be glad to thank you for saying so.

But, yeah, we both know, although the feelings are long gone, but they left a deep, perhaps the deepest scar on our hearts.

And thanks to them too, we became sooooooooo close to each other until nowww :))))

Form 3 was awesome. We were finally in the same class. I know we'll be very close for a long time when you call me your retarded little sister. I know you don't remember this but ha! You said this on 2006 Sports Day, I was tired, we sorta' linked our arms walked across the school field and you were like "come, my retarded little sister.." then I looked at you like "whaaaa???" -I wasn't used to all those words back then, I was a good girl (and still is), thank you.

I love the fact that you never missed a single year to give me chocolate on Valentine's Day or Friendship Day. I still keep the notes. :) And the D.I.Y notebook as my birthday present. God, it's lovely.

O rly? *flips hijab*

Garfield, garfield, garfield, Cikgu John, Cikgu John, Cikgu John.
Kalau bini dia nampak ni adalah yang berdiri depan rumah saya jam 3 pagi dengan parang.

Wheee!! :3

It's sweet to know that you actually took time and sacrificed your magazines to make this scrapbook.
Sayang Sabby :)

You know me too much ~~that I have to kill you.~~ You know my weaknesses. You know when I'm faking it. You know the fact that no matter how loud I am seen from the outside, you do understand how fucking insecure I am. You understand my picky-ness over everything.

And hence this book exists on my desk. *wink*

Some girls have 'girlfriends' that causes so much drama, backstabbing and all those shit. But I guess I'm lucky. Yeah, you do stab. But you stab from the front. You know how weak and vulnerable I am, but still, you stab. Because reality hurts and you want me to realize that, rather than living in denial. Do you realize I don't go straight to you when I'm hurt? LOL. I would find Zen or Ema first (or you're the one to ask Ema to find me), the motherly Cancerians :) Because your words sting. They sting, because they are real. When I'm ready to face the truth, then I'll go look for you. You have the right words to keep me sane, everytime.

Thanks for being real.

And most of all, thanks for being there, even though I told you I wanted to be alone, but you're always right behind ready to catch me when I'm about to collapse.

Thanks for being a friend.

A real friend.

What more can I ask in life? I have the best girls in the whole wide universe.

Happy 20th Birthday Sabby baby. Wish you have more and more and MORE awesome years to come :)

And I hope we'll still be there to annoy each other.

2011-12-08T22:45:00.001+08:00

LOL. As if I even have a friggin' social life.

Can someone tell me

2011-12-06T11:01:00.001+08:00

How the hell do I finish my final project in 3 months?

I am torn between 2 choices.

Continue working and make my final project like ass. Asal siap.

Quit my job and concentrate on my final project.

Return of the ghost from the past.

2011-12-05T22:09:00.001+08:00

I didn't know how do I stumbled upon my yarn and knitting needles yesterday and started to knit... and knit and knit. And then I realized I still have work to do. But I kept on knitting. God, it was so therapeutic.

I want holidays. T__________T

Like seriously. There are days I feel like switching off my phone and lock myself up in my room and read some good books or knit like an old woman or do whatever heck I want without anyone calling me.

I WANT HOLIDAYS.

Get back to reality. So many important things going to happen in a short period of time. MUET on February. I haven't even officially started anything due to my tight schedule. Chasing college and working deadlines, final semester project.

And...

Sila klik pada gambar rajah di atas untuk tumbesaran maksimum

UPU, we meet again. Luka yang kau tinggalkan pada hatiku 3 tahun yang lalu belum sembuh sepenuhnya, kini kau datang lagi. Apa yang kau sembunyi disebalikmu itu? Apakah ia pisau sama yang kau guna untuk merodok jantungku dulu; atau kali ini, sejambang mawar merah?

Maka terkeluarlah kepuitisan bahasa Cik Sarah. Meremang bulu roma.

I am scared. I really am. I still can feel the chill on my toes.

I am scared because I have scars because of this thing. Really deep scars. When I first read this (I was in my office), I felt a huge lump on my throat. Should I trust you again? ~~(LOL. Cam apaaa jak.)~~ But I have no choice, I have to give you another shot. Yes I am aiming for local uni, local, as in UMS? or UNIMAS. Closer to home. Less things to consider.

Yes. It is important to me. Getting a degree is important to me. Let me tell you a little story of mine :) So, when I was 12, I got 1st place in district level speech contest - both prepared and impromptu speech. When I went onstage to get my trophies, I saw my mother among the audiences. And she lifted up her index finger (to make "1" sign - numbur satu kio), then it becomes an unforgettable image in my head.

Last week on my sister's graduation day, after Zuhur prayer we went to the changing room and I helped my sister with her graduation robe. ~~A century later~~ we went out of the changing room to find our parents and when my father saw my sister in her full graduation outfit, he smiled. He smiled.

And then I made a promise to myself, I would do anything to see that smile again. And this time, it's going to be because of me. I'd do anything.

Allah, it's getting tough. I need strength. Physically and mentally.

Please grant me patience too.

Ameen.

Hello December

2011-12-01T07:16:00.000+08:00

Final Semester Project

Thesis

Final Presentation

Assignments

This Semester's Final Project

Classes

MUET

Workloads

Final Exam

and try not to die.

Happy December everyone! :D

Life through the eyes of a little angel.

2011-11-29T11:01:00.000+08:00

A conversation with Little Myra.

(She was climbing up and down the couch,

I was so scared she was going to fall but she seemed not to worry anything)

Sarah: Myra, don't climb, aren't you afraid of falling down??

Little Myra: (With her cute voice) no.

Sarah: What if you fall down??

Little Myra: But you'll catch me.

Happy Graduation Day my dear sister! ♥

2011-11-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

BA (Hons) Food Science and Nutrition.
2nd Class Upper yo. *wink*

"...Allah will raise those who have believed among you

and those who were given knowledge, by degrees.

And Allah is Acquainted with what you do."

Surah Al-Mujadilah verse 11

Congratulations, our darling Sheena.

May your future shine as bright as the sun.

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."

(Um, she's the one in graduation robe.)

~~I told you she got the brain and the beauty.~~

Mental Suicide.

2011-11-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

Watch you smile when you are sleeping, wondering is it me you're seeeeeeeeeeeiiiinnnnngggggggg

He auditioned for Eveready logo model, but failed (obviously).

These 2 are sleeping cats. SLEEPING CATS. You think only human being have the worst sleeping position? I think these are amazing lol. I remember the very first time seeing a cat with this kind of sleeping position - I was in Matriculation, hunting for water at Block A and saw a cat in this position and was like... WHAAAA??? Are you REALLY sleeping or tryna' peek at girls bathing?

Heh. That was an intro ;) Hello peeps. Finally got a chance to blog properly. Been busy with workloads and assignments. ~~3D really makes me think about suicide.~~ Just kidding. But yeah, you really have to have a great patience modelling+rendering 3D objects/animations. There are great pain behind every great 3D animation film, Pixar's, Walt Disney's, Paramount Studios, Final Fantasy kjsdgfkdgshfkjdsh take some time to look at how Yuna's hair moves gracefully kjasdfhkjdsfh or even our own local production - Les Copaque (google if you don't know and remember them by heart.) These people, names that appear on the credits at the end of the show, that you simply walk out after every great animation, oh my friends, these people are unsung heroes.

Another suicide mission - I'll be sitting for MUET on next year's March, insyallah. February to be exact. I don't have a tutor, just free consultation from my dearest Teacher Morene and I'm relying on Madam Audrey's blog. Suicide. Total suicide. I have registered the only subject - major project for next semester, which is also my final semester, alhamdulillah. Well you see, all these time when we were asked to register subjects for next semester, I kept on counting how many subjects left. Then, when it finally comes down to the very last one, it felt a bit... soury. I don't know why, just soury. Perhaps because I've seen the agony of finishing a major project by the seniors. Final presentation could be one of the best thing that ever happened to you... or the worst. Plus at the same time I have to struggle for MUET as well as general election is coming soon. There will be shitloads of work, sleepless nights and restless weekends.

Or just... perhaps, I'm going to miss college when it's finally over. Perhaps. Just perhaps. :)

Look where will I be taking MUET. Juniors (if you still remember this old lady),
please do not be shocked if you see me walking around the school with my librarian suit
and Ketua Biro Disiplin tag giving out surat amaran lololololll what even.

But after all the stressful days I'm having, I was happy yesterday. Genuinely happy. I think even the florists felt weird why did I smile all the time. Of course, finding gifts for your loved ones is one of the happiest thing in life. ~~No matter how broke you are after that.~~ Heeeeee. My sister will be having her convocation next week and we're so excited, sooooo excited that instead of buying a Hallmark card for her, I actually designed one by myself. Sheena lidut, you have no idea how proud we are for you ♥

It's already 25th of November, loves. I'm looking forward to ~~that one week holiday at my workplace before~~ 2012 :)

2011-11-22T01:48:00.001+08:00

This picture makes me want to kidnap a cute little girl and make her my daughter

then build a house like this, far far away from the city,

I'll teach her to paint, braid her hair, star gazing at night,

give her all my love and we'll live happily ever after.

FREE STUFF FROM SARAH. LIKE, REALLY. FREE OF CHARGE.

2011-11-17T13:23:00.001+08:00

Kay peeps. I'm going to do this real quick since I have to go back to my office in 15 minutes.

Like on previous year,

I've sent 17 greeting cards across the world and locally and I'm doing it again!

But I'm doing it differently this year, in terms of designs, and the use of this card ;)

Well, It's not just a typical greeting card but it is also a calendar.

Did that purposely ;) So you'll have to get it to see the real thing.

And a page to put all your 2012 wishlist/resolution.

And... Uh. Don't worry, Pedobear won't be available on the real thing.
This space is for my handwritten personal message to each of you :)

To express my gratitude to aaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllll my readers,

I shall be sending 20 cards and it'll arrive at your mailbox before 2012 (insyAllah).

Wherever on earth you are, whether you know me personally or not,

please email me your address at

snowie_yukiko@yahoo.com before 18 December 2011.

Give me a chance to personally thank you for constantly ~~potating on my blog~~ supporting me :)

Pwetty please? *shiny eyes*

Straight from the heart.

2011-11-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

To be honest. I'm jealous at girls with pretty rooms. Everytime I go to other girls' blogs and saw some pictures of their room/workstation/study table and be like, why mine can't be like that? So... girlish, neat and... nice. I mean, I tried, okay. But everytime I rearrange my desk they end up going back to the normal condition.

The current (and normal) condition of my workdesk.
Don't get me continue on the other parts of my room...

Mama was here for a few days on Aidiladha and which coincidentally falls on her birthday :3 When I told her this, she was like... "Ahh, do not compare dear, because your room is a room of a graphic designer."

I hope that wasn't an insult. -______-
But ma, I'm a girl. why can't I maintain a girlish, neat and... nice room? At least, my workdesk?

Thank God she was here, I mean really. I miss her and her cooking so much. The people at the mosque missed her too. Everyone loves my mother. If you got a chance to meet this woman, I can guarantee you'll love her. It's just so sad that none of her daughters inherited her natural charm *sobbing at one corner*. I spent the weekends with my 2 favourite girls (mama and my sister), bitching about the 2 boys (papa and bro) and getting advice about life as a growing woman.

As we were chit chatting she said this: "Sarah kan daddy's girl..."

Woots. Ya mehh?? Yeah I'm both daddy and mummy's girl, but I think I'm a little bit more to mummy's girl lahh. But since she already said so, well...

Still busy at my workplace, but not as crazy as last month. Just had my mid-term exam (yeah you read the exam hall incident) and now the kids are enjoying their mid-term break... Without me. *sniffs* Welcome to the life of a working student. I don't even have the time to settle my bills. Next week... next week it's a must before they cut off everything. Nooooo... I must settle everything and get the PIN to register for next year's March session of MUET. Got to start thinking of what and where to study for degree from today.

I heard a radio interview on a psychologist a few days back talking about cases he handled over the years. It was interesting. This is what I remember the most:

Teenage girls and boys have different ways of handling sadness. Girls... Well, we girls can just cry to express, to let it all out. While boys, as we've been holding on to this mindset since forever "boys don't cry, boys can't cry, shame shame lah aiyaaa..." so when crying become a taboo to them, these kids turn the sadness in their heart into anger. If a boy saw the way his father abused his mother, he'll use the same way to bully his younger sister or his weaker schoolmates. You get what I mean? With such amount of anger towards his father builds up in his heart, the kid uses violence to express all the anger... which causes by unendurable sadness.

I was touched, really. We keep on blaming the boys for being so rough, but actually they're like an ice-cream wafer. Hard on the outside, soft in the inside. Look how beautiful has God created them.

And then Psychology got into my degree list, automatically. Alongside with Art, Architecture, Law and Journalism.

Pandai kau Sarah, sketches for final project pun baru beberapa helai, sudah ada hati mau fikir pasal degree.

Jangan cakap degree, I already make my planning on what I wanna do as soon as I finish my final project. My girl Ily and I have been planning this since we were 15. It came first on my "10 things I want to do before I turn 20" list which I made back in Form 2. Not to bragggg *muka bikin panas*, I've achieved the rest 9 things (even the impossible ones!) BUTTTT ironically, I didn't manage to cross out the last and very first one before 20.

But still, Akinabalu, expect us... ;)

Last but not least, to my girls, don't be upset. Kita semua membuat kesilapan, tiada siapa yang sempurna kecuali Tuhan. Mungkin ini cara Tuhan untuk menyedarkan kita, agar tidak terus berada di dalam keadaan yang alpa. Mungkin juga kita sudah biasa menjadi independent, semuanya mesti ikut cara kita.

We are wildflowers, remember? We can survive anywhere. :)

WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!! XDDD

I'm loving angels instead.

2011-11-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

And through it all she offers me protection

A lot of love and affection

Whether I'm right or wrong

Down the waterfall wherever it may take me

I know that life wont break me

When I come to call

She won't forsake me

I'm loving angels instead.

Happy birthday, my best friend, my teacher
and most of all, my mother.

I love you. With all my heart and soul .

Rose, I'm feeling older.

2011-11-02T21:20:00.003+08:00

So what exactly happened?

According to the calendar on my phone, today's test was at 1PM. So I went out from office at 11AM and left the house after performing Zuhur prayer. As soon as I get there, as I already expected, there were many people but no familiar faces.

Uh, I didn't suspect anything because most of my classmates consist of juniors (this subject supposed to be taken on sem 4-6, I don't even know why did I miss it) just a few of us lost our way perhaps. And I went in anyway. CONFIDENTLY.

Like a boss, I took the utmost front seat and filled the paper with my particulars. English. Pfft. ~~This gon' be easy yo.~~

But thank God, thank God I actually looked around and saw the name of the examination subject written on the whiteboard. It sounded like the subject I took on the very first semester.

No wonder everyone is a stranger to me. Adik-adik bah pula semua TT___________TT

I called Sir If (he was the invigilator) and he checked the timetable for me and like girl, your test is at 3:30PM.

Then I stood up, gave him back the paper while he was laughing. This girl here, with her million dollar smile on her face, walked out the exam hall LIKE A BOSS.

When I was walking out, I can hear someone said 'Kenapa dia keluar?...' I smiled even more.

Akan tetapi, pada hakikatnya,

masya-Allah, kuyaknyaaaaaa...

Dude I didn't know how did I copy the schedule wrongly. I have too many things in my mind lately I guess.

Or I'm just simply getting older.

(sfx: Rose, I'm feeling older...)

61 Days Left.

2011-11-01T02:19:00.001+08:00

"Vulnerable"

Perhaps that's the right word to describe what I am lately. If you see me anywhere, please be gentle. If you don't have anything nice to say to me, I suggest you to keep that first until everything feels much better to me again. Like I said, I am vulnerable. Even the smallest mean thing you say might hurt me, a lot. A lot a lot.

Oh look my boss just called. At night. She's still at the office. Gosh, girl, just go back home and sleep already.

(bingung)

A workstation that never seems to look neat. Everytime when I feel so stressed, I'll rearrange my desk, though the neat-ness wont last for even 1 hour. They say a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. Well I guess it is. Sometimes it's like having temporary amnesia. Not that I don't remember, but it's somewhere at the back of my head. Wait for it, let me retrieve that...

I've been doing some clearing and rearranging to my workstation and folders in Anna (Anna is my lappy, if you don't know). I haven't been rearranging my stuff since August, I guess this is the time to declutter everything. Throwing away junk downloaded from the internet. Transferring stuff to external storage. Just clearing things up to prevent mind block. Mind block mind block mind block. I hate it when I'm having a mind block due to overcapacity, PMS or some unnecessary emotions.

Yes, I've been consuming caffeine like mad. Kalau kau menyigup, saya mengupi. LOL. And I think I'm addicted to coffee. In the morning, it acts like a kick start. In the afternoon it's like to boost my adrenalin and at night it keeps me awake. The doctor said I should (HAVE TO to be exact) reduce my coffee intake due to gastric-prone stomach but gawsh no I need that. How do you expect me to finish those workloads on time without caffeine? Furthermore, coffee, my darling, tastes perfect. (sfx: How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes)

Last week was crazy, like usual. What made it unusual was, on Friday, I broke down on my workstation at my very office. Yes, I cried (in the pantry, of course, ko gila kaini sa mo nangis depan depan kio?). I was awake the night before to finish my assignments and had just, I don't know, 1 and a half hour of sleep only. And when I went to the office in the morning (with some headach)e and there were like, shitloads of things to be completed and all those delayed confirmations made me go nuts then I have to rush to my 3D animation class in the afternoon. I don't skip 3D animation class. Skipping 1 day, even 1 fcking day of that class is suicide. Nevermind if I'm late, as long as I don't skip that class. So I went out from the office at 12:30PM (usually I come out at 12PM), it was raining and the cars that passed by were brutal. Well, I told myself, apart of just suck it all up, what are the other choices I have? Just be strong. They are just tears. Really, just some maderfaking tears.

Perhaps she saw my fake smile and heard my fake happy tone in my voice, so she didn't call me later that afternoon (usually, yes I use the word usually again, she will ask me to stop by at the office after class and we'll be doing work until late niiiiight). But I went anyway, knowing that I have deadlines to chase. Melepaskan tanggungjawab begitu sahaja bukan cara saya.

But really, seeing your work finally being sent out to the clients is a huge relief... Until you're being reminded about the list of workloads on queue.

But I can kind of, breathe, now. I just had 1 paper for mid-term, which I studied on the last minute, but Alhamdulillah, I think I answered them pretty good. I hope.

Been dreaming about my brother lately, but not a good dream. I hope it's just a dream, a nightmare due to stress. You promised me to take care of our parents.

Granny got admitted to the hospital.

Train and oil tanker collision in my town area, quite near to the place I live in. 8 injured but no death reported. Prayers for Kota Kinabalu. (Dang! I haven't even had a chance to ride on that.)

What a way to end the month of October.

And to welcome the arrival of the 11th month of 2011.

We're getting close to the ending.

Or maybe a new beginning.

November, I promise to be nice.

So please be nice to me too.

DugaanNya

2011-10-28T23:40:00.001+08:00

Berkecamuk hati, hatinya sendiri,
Persoalannya kini sampai bila mampu
ku bertahan
Mampukah ku bertahan?
Nampak ketarakah dilema di wajahku?
Di luarnya tenang, tapi Tuhan saja tahu.

October, Obligations.

2011-10-26T23:38:00.004+08:00

Yes people, October got me working like a dawg. Or Kempeitai. Chasing work and assignments deadlines, working on Sundays and Deepavali... And then I'll be having mid-term next week. Those (above picture) are the design requests on queue. Halfway done, halfway done... Belum sempat siap 1, datang lagi 2... *sobbing at one corner* I need a long holiday, preferably spent on the highest point of South East Asia*winkwink*. But anyway, don't worry people, here I am, still alive because of God's mercy :) Thanks a million for those who's been asking me about my condition and I am soooooooooooo sorry for making you guys worry. Especially mama. Sayang kamu. Sayang sayang sayang kamu so strong. Really :') Kamu sayang saya, saya sayang kamu juga, kerana itulah saya strong -esesehh ;)

So I decided to blog today to tell you guys that I am okay. LOL. I mean, the previous post was written due to maximum frustration, exhaustion and all the negative feelings come at once. It's normal lah :) It has been a hectic hectic hectic hectic hectic month at my office PLUS college - since I'm in semester 7 already. Tough subjects all around so like, BAM! Everything just smash to my face. I have a weak body due to minor anaemic, I can get exhausted easily. But I'm not using that as an excuse. It's all about your will power baby ;)

Papa came down last week to check up on me and my sister. Thank God he came, really. It's like being recharged. My father always has the way to make people around him laugh, whether he intended to do it, or just spontaneously. And what's good about having papa around? Eating outtttttttttttttt!!! :DD

The blood that runs in me :) My sister got her charming look from my father *jelly*

Had papa-and-his-two-girls bonding time last Saturday. My sister talked about her convocation next month and her future plans. I talked about continuing degree after finishing my diploma on next year's May, insyAllah :) Plans plans plans look how fast your two girls have grown lol. I tried him this question: "What if I go for degree in Law?" Thought I would get a sad face from him, but no. Instead, he said: "If you still want to go for it, then go for it..." Ah, papa, you're the man :')

Honestly, tipu lah kan if I said I have completely forgotten about that forgotten dream. It used to be my whole world. It used to motivate me in high school. My high school goal was totally revolved around that. You got your high school sweetheart as your teenage dream, I got my dream to become a lawyer as my teenage dream. I told everyone that I was going to do law. Determined. Very determined. Just ask my girls how determined I was. 2 years in debate team (year 2007 in English debate and the next year in Malay debate), bermulut agak kurang ajar, eating history text books, sitting on the floor at reading Laws of Malaysia at the Malaysian Acts corner at Taman Rimba Library (I even downloaded the pdf and have it in my thumbdrive all the time, yes).. And then it took just one rejection, one rejection to get my whole world came crashing down. Spent the whole 2nd half of 2009 loathing everything and eventually, I shut every door that reminds me of that broken dream. Not even bothered to talk, look or even think about it anymore. Not until recently, when a friend in college considered to continue her degree in Law. Dan hatiku terdetik seketika...

LOL but my first choice is still Arts lah. Fine arts, visual arts, visual communication or architecture. Cuma kadangkala... Meh. I'll think about it later :P Right now is to focus on my work and college. I haven't even have the time to do my final project sketches! X_X Speaking of final project...

I feel sorry for the semester 8 (major project) Graphic Design kids. To complete a major project in just 4 months is suicide. Some of them even requested to extend for another semester but they aren't allowed to do so. Having corporate design as your major project is already die die die die die what more illustration. Even Zul the Maestro decided to change his project to corporate design because he knew there won't be enough time to complete his illustrations in 4 months. At first when he told me that I was like why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why Zul no why why why why no no no no no please please please please no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. For goodness sake, he is too talented for corporate design. For goodness sake just let the maestro to extend another semester because he is meant to make some illustration masterpieces not corporate design. For goodness sake do not let him waste his talent. He is 27 (I just knew his age I initially thought he was 25) and he must have a brilliant portfolio please do not treat an artist like this. I've learnt a lot from him and knowing things like these upset me too. And then I realized the importance of start doing your illustrations early. *sniffs* I will sketch I will sketch I will sketch if I have the time okay. Like now. But I'm blogging. I mean like, after I finish blogging. Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Still about things in college. I got my face ~~raped~~ for the first time. Huehehehehehehh. You do know I'm not quite a cosmetic person. I wear make-up once in a blue moon and it wasn't even heavy. But Cherry, ugh, you're good (ok that sounds wrong).

Yes, I am vain.
On eyes: Maybelline Magnum Super Film Mascara, Elianto Liquid Eyeliner,
Elianto Eye Shadow (Golden Beige & Dark Brown)
On both cheeks: Elianto Blush Pot and she used the Elianto Golden Beige Eye Shadow for the shimmer
On my... uh, face: Maybelline BB cream, Elianto 2-way cake powder
On lips: Baviphat Lollipop Lip Gloss

Girl, I had fun camwhoring :P you'll never know how many pictures I kept in my syok sendiri folder. Come on, I do not always look like this. I don't even own a mascara. I even asked Cherry what's a BB cream for (don't judge). But at the end of the day, when I removed these make-up on my face, I'd still prefer the girl underneath it :)

Oh yes, some random things I wanna share :) I have these 2 friends in Facebook. They used to be an item. Perhaps they've blocked each other already but hey, I can see both of you ;) What amuses me is that, both of them keep on posting sad songs. LOL. Sometimes they appear next to each other on my timeline and both posted about lurrvvvveeee. Amusing, really amusing. Human beings are amusing, don't we?

One of my best girl just lost her grandfather recently. She is a person who's always there for her uni friends when any of them needed a friend but ironically, none of them were there for her when she needs them. How disappointing. But during tough times like these then you can see who your real friends are. I know how it feels like to lose someone who is very dear to you. Even the thought of losing someone I love scares the hell out of me. I know, I know. I know the feeling of seeing someone you love, someone you can't live without lying wired on the hospital bed, looking pale unlike usual. I know. To me, it is very important to be there for your loved ones, even though how busy you are. You girls know how busy I am, but none of you deserves to handle problems alone. I am just one call away :)

My father said I'm getting thinner. Mum got worried. That's the last thing on earth I want her to feel for me. She already has so many things to handle. Convinced her that I can take care of myself and she was like,

"Amiinn. That's my girl."

Yes mum, trust your girl, she is unbreakable because she got all her strength from you ;)

What else? Oh! Anyone here knows any shops that sell graduation teddy bears? Huge one. Yeah there are plenty of 'em in Kaison but uh, the bears look cheapy lah. And there are tonnes of same-looking graduation bears there. I need a nice, different one, for my sister (shh.) and it must be huge. The bigger the better so I can humiliate her.

It's almost November. Which means, I'm making another year end giveaways ;) Wait for the sneak peek.

One more thing before I go! I made a new friend, her name is Miss Una. She's a new blogger from this community and we have 1 thing in common - we're pink-a-holics! ;) Go followw!! :) (PS- I'm quite busy lately but I'll help you with the banner soon okay dearie?)

Saja mo tayang :P I finally get this design printed on a t-shirt! Yes I'm an art major and proud of it! :D

That's all folks! All was well *faints*

2011-10-25T02:27:00.000+08:00

I don't need help I can stand on my feet.

I don't need help I can stand on my feet.
I don't need help I can stand on my feet.
I don't need help I can stand on my feet.

But I've been abusing the normal human being sleeping time

and hence my body clock is fucked

and so does my diet.

Caffeine is no longer a friend of mine.

I think I'm losing my mind over these workloads,

commitments,

obligations,

responsibilities,

expectations

and the urge of getting all these shit done perfectly.

~~help.~~

Why do I even bother to post something when there's nothing actually to say?

2011-10-16T12:40:00.002+08:00

Weekend. At last.

As usual, it was a tiring week. Nothing much going on, school and work. Being alone at home. Fell asleep everywhere, caffeine caffeine caffeine and more caffeine to keep me going on. Deadlines to rush and stuff. Pretty generic. Last Thursday I slept early then wake up at 2AM, did a little prayer and continue doing work until dawn prayer at 5PM and then slept for another 2 hours until 7AM since I'm going to work before 8AM. The shittiest part is, you know when you live in flat, there's no such thing as pure serenity. Many don't know this, but I hate Acha and Irwansyah's duets, any duets of them. So waking up to their songs (because my neighbour put that song, what's song that called? yang mengapa sulit ungkapkan cinta padahal ia ada? whatever, on blast) PLUS the sound of a little kid crying (I think the kid loathes the song too that's why he cried) ruined my Friday morning. Still lying on my bed, I honestly felt like screaming for help. Until I had morning coffee, everything turned normal. :)

Mum called yesterday and I told her since I live alone now, I'm turning the house into a *cough*~~studio~~*cough*. So I will need a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeee table as my workstation at the center. And I predict it would be very very messy. Goodbye, femininity.

On a side note, don't you hate it when some random number texted you with 'Hye, blh bkenalan' or 'Hye leh kenalan' or kata-kata yang sewaktu dengannya. I hate it even more when they use 'hye' instead of normal 'hi' or 'hai'. The whole hye leh kenalan shit is already so stupid, using the word hye makes it sound dumber. And they make it even more idiotic for not telling who they are. When you do not give any shit, they will send you things like 'alaaaa sombongnyaaaa..'

I weep for humanity.

Ugh tell you there's nothing much to say this week, just typical hectic week with shitloads of designs from work and assignments.

Sir Paul McCartney marries his 3rd wife, Nancy Shevell. Let's hope she's not as smart as Heather Mills.
And I'm officially ~~mentally~~ dating Darren Criss.

By the way, Happy Birthday, Miss FK (14 Oct).Despite all that pushing around, you're still an inspiration to me :)

That's my week. Pardon me, my blogs are losing their koala-teas.

(sobbing at one corner)

When a lady rests her head on your shoulder

2011-10-14T23:38:00.004+08:00

...and she's not even your wife, girlfriend, sister, or even a friend. Just some random, beautiful lady who happened to sit next to you.

Ah, writing as a lady, let me rephrase that. She is not even your friend, just some random, beautiful lady who happened to sit next to you.

I managed to get the last window seat in the bus after 3D animation class today. As usual, I had my earphones on and music blasting on both ears so basically the world was ignored. A few minutes later, a pretty lady (and yes, her dressing was kind of sexy) went on the bus with her hand fan and sat on the vacant seat next to you. She was, you know, fanning herself and I was like, still with my music. Nothing happened. Until the bus started to move.

I felt like she was getting close to me, leaning towards me, to be exact. So, normal reaction - I leaned away to give her more space. But she kept on going my way. I didn't feel mad though, I mean, you do know why is it when some stranger in the bus started to lean towards you. Dude it was almost 6PM juga sudah. She must be tired. It must be a really long day for her. She's a lady juga. So I just let her lean side by side.

FYI, I had Sting's Desert Rose blasting on my both ears.

"Thump"

I think any man would be thrilled to be in my shoes just now because, jackpot, gentlemen.

Miss Sexy fell asleep on my shoulder.

To be honest, I was... Thrilled too? LOL. Not that lesbo kind of thrilled but... dude I don't know, I was just thrilled! Hahahahahaaaa!! I mean, wow, who would thought a beautiful lady fell asleep on my shoulder? Not in my wildest dream k? I was smiling, yes I was. I was smiling up to ears. Actually I wanted to laugh but I held my chuckle so that I won't wake her up.

"Each of her veils, a secret promise,

This desert flower yele e yele,

No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this..."

No, she wasn't wearing any perfume. Perhaps she was, but already worn off. I don't know. But I imagined some rose scented perfume.

"This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams..." I smiled even more.

I started to imagine, what if I'm a guy? How would I react? Would I be thrilled as well? Would I let her rest on my shoulder like what I did? Or I'll wake her up, politely. Or, if I'm rude, I'll purposely move my shoulder to wake her up? And what are the things I'll be thinking of?

And then I started to create a story in my head, with me, as a guy named *Seth.

So Seth was thrilled too...

And then I realized I can't imagine myself as a guy. TT_______TT I mean, I tried, like suddenly, she woke up and said sorry to Seth and he was like, "ay chica, no probz yo. Can we liek, hangin' owt sumtimez, so can I get yo numberrrr or Facebook? D'ya hav a Facebook?" And oh yeah, when she was asleep, Seth didn't even look at her, he was just staring outside the window and smiling so wide like me. Dude, come on, she's an attractive lady. If a guy do not even bothered to at least, peeked at her face only instead of just staring outside the window imagining unicorns glidin' over a rainbow, I doubt your orientation.

She was still sleeping and I was still smiling. Then I changed my song to Clay Aiken's Invisible.

"I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life..."

Still on Seth mode, I imagine ~~myself~~ Seth is an insignificant 8-5 office boy, to a beautiful woman. Meh, 500 days of Summer. -_________________-

I stopped creating stories in my head. She was still asleep. Heavy traffic along Sacred Heart to Wisma Muis's traffic light made the journey longer.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally straight. Really :) I was just curious, how would a guy feel? How is it like to have feelings for a woman? We are ~~(well at least, me)~~ totally complicated creatures. Lips say yes, heart says no and brain suddenly loses its functions. Are you aware of the risk of having feelings to a complicated creature that over thinks everything? Are you aware of what are the unpredictable things that PMS can do to her and you as well? When a random beautiful girl like her fell asleep on your shoulder, what will you think of? Do you think of love, or anything? Like, football?

That uncomfortable feeling of knowing a stranger fell asleep on my shoulder slowly faded and so did my smile. I returned to normal and kinda just, you know, let her rest lah. I'm still with my music though.

She woke up when we're reaching our neighbourhood. I was still looking outside the window when she changed her posture and sat properly. I felt awkward, I don't know if she felt the same too because from her gestures, she didn't look awkward. And I continued to look at the view of my boring neighbourhood.

Then suddenly she leaned a bit forward to look outside the window, I thought she wanted to talk to me, so I looked at her (and looked away 2 secs later). Yes, she is pretty. Well based on her looks, I think any man would be delighted to have my experience.

But no, I wouldn't want her to sit next to a man. If she sat next to a gentleman, maybe that's okay. Who knows from that, they can start a new story together? What I don't want is she sat next to a man who would take advantage of her. So, I'd rather become Seth and write some ridiculous stories in my head.

The bus stopped at her block and she left. I told myself, gosh, this is totally going into my blog.

*Seth is my alter ego. It's a he. Created in 2009 during camwhoring after my last haircut.

(I look hot as a guy. Really. Or I'm just a narcissist)

Warholized.

2011-10-11T21:12:00.003+08:00

Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?

Andy Warhol

When adrenaline is released and then caffeine bumps up dopamine levels...

2011-10-09T15:54:00.001+08:00

Picture from The Oatmeal.

I make sure my weekends are caffeine free. Unless I couldn't stand the lust over it.

Because to me, resistance is futile.

So wow, this week's really epic. And I survived yo. Mum came on the 3rd for Muallaf Convention here at Wisma Muis and stayed the night. As usual, ladies talk with her. She always tells me things that bother her and stuff and we'll exchange thoughts. Mama is a strong woman, I don't know how she handles all that but yeah, she's my Wonder Woman. :)

Crazy week in my office. I came home at 11PM last Tuesday to finish a design that will be used on the next day. Idk wtf was it just me or the caffeine, I am really really bold lately. They say, hey, design me a banner we'll be displaying it for _________ event tomorrow. You know usually I'll say no because there's no way I can finish a design (with fuckloads of graphics that need to be photoshopped) + printing in one day. But I did. LOL. Caffeine really gave me the adrenalin rush. This week itself, I said yes to loads of I-wanna-use-this-tomorrow design and God, I did them all. *fist to the air, with feelings* Work and class, work in the morning, class in the afternoon and then went back office after class to finish the designs and came home at night. At night, continue doing work in front of my computer for a few hours until the effect of caffeine faded, then I went to ~~my husband~~ bed.

Yes, this is where and how I work, in case you're curious.

I feel awesome. I'm serious. Being preoccupied actually makes me feel useful. Call me weird (lol I am weird) but I don't like it when I'm not even tired or sick and then I have nothing to do, I'll overthink everything and it kinda makes me feel useless. So go sing your Lazy Song, Bruno. I won't sing along :P

My sister landed a job in a food factory :) She handles the lab alone and has her own office and her pay is soooooooooooooooooo making me jelly. She moved out (for real) on Friday and there you go, Kleenex moment again. It felt like she went to NS all over again. (No offence, Na :P) but she never experienced harsh life, and when she finally going out from her comfort zone, I swear I'm scared. Before she left, she hugged me and cried. You know, usually I'll cry along too because I can't control my ~**FeELiNgS**~ But that time, I put my shit together and tried my very best not to go emo. Despite she's elder but during that time, I have to act like a macho elder sister, so she won't be worry a thing. I cried only after she left, of course. Come on, she's not just my sister, she's my best friend since forever. I may fight or talk shit about her, but at the end of the day, she's one of a few person in the world that I can count on with my life.

When I think about it, it's kinda scary. Everyone's growing up. We're losing our innocence. Remember when our dads have to close our eyes when there's smooching scene on the TV? Now we're doing more than sucking people's face. As for me and my sister, it feels just like yesterday she pulled a long face to me because I took her kindergarten graduation hat. Next month, she'll be wearing it again for her university graduation day. The next thing you know she'll be wearing a white gown. *inhale, exhale* Holy shit.

Yesterday, I saw a vulnerable side of an iron lady - my boss. There were some kind of serious technical problems at the production side, she came to the office later that afternoon, sat down, covering her face and said "entah macamana sudah mau buat ni mandak..." I comforted her and almost gave her a hug lol. Just doing my role as a human being, and a woman. Well, if you're a woman, you know what I'm saying ;) No matter how strong your defence is, inside, you're still an ice cream. But Alhamdulillah, she called me a while ago and told me everything is fine now. I don't know how she did it but yes, a woman who knows her business and always have the way to stand up by herself again and continue to do things... gracefully :)

Oh yes, I just bought a drawing tablet last Tuesday *tears of joy* so I'm kinda broke now lol. Since I've always wanted a tablet, Diana F+ can wait...

Pardon my handwriting.
It's already kinda terrible plus I'm writing on a tablet, which I'm still trying to tame it.

Well folks, this has been an update. Thank God I don't have to go to work today and at last, a time for myself. Although I have 2 designs on queue right now and I have to get these 2 done within 1 hour so I'd better move my ass and start working.

But I would like to share this to a dear friend of mine who loves Audrey Hepburn and been thinking about her a lot lately. ;) This is for you, Miss Zainib Amirah.

Hail Audrey.

Till then peeps. All is well. :)

Dear 11 year-old self,

2011-10-01T14:33:00.002+08:00

I know you're fat but I hope you didn't make that wish of having 25" waistline. I look thin and sick. My sister's over the top reaction already terrified me and mama's coming down on the 3rd and I don't want her to see me in this condition. I feel hungry but my mouth despises every food I consume. Hypothalamus not doing his job well.

Hi peeps. :) It has been a really stressful week, ~~idk, perhaps because I was having my period (there you go, TMI all the way.)~~ and honestly, I killed a lot of people. In my head. Less design but mass production come at once and my colleague Marcella just quit her job yesterday. Girl, I'm gonna miss you, starting from next week, I'm getting my breakfast at 3rd floor alone and as usual, I'll walk pass the legal office that consists of hot lawyers but no more competition from you *kofffffffffffffff*

My boss starts to accept mass production orders and I'm kissing beautiful Sundays goodbye. Yes, less design but it's kinda' stressful to design for mass production, 1 small design error can cause serious damage to the whole production. And it's hard to remain focused when you have a boss that picks every line you draw, every colour you choose and it's not even my final design! It's just a draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaffffffttttttt. God, please wash away my anger because pain in my heart will consume me too.

But it does make you happy to see your designs being display in the city. No, I won't tell you which ones are mine :P I love having that little designer grateful moment seeing your designs being display somewhere but no one will ever know that you're the one who did them. Except for yourself. ;)

My bros visited me at my office last Sunday and they took me around! It's been a while since I laugh really hard. Had some serious bro-to-bro talk with them, exchanged thoughts and, you see, talking to them makes me realize when you untangled your mind from the feelings, you can finally think about what exactly happened. That makes moving on become easier. LOL. Case closed.

Went out with my girl Zen and her mother, Aunty Tim last week and girls talk all the wayyyyy with pizzas! And then I come to a conclusion that mother instincts always right. ;) No shit yo. Oh yes! We went to look for Diana F+ *squeaks*. Soon baby, soooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnn...

Classes are okay, most of my college friends are in final semester now and I still have to go through 2 sems. Juggling between college and work ain't easy, what more when you're taking crucial subjects.... and starting from September till end of the year, there will be endless workloads. I already started to feeeeeeeeeeeeel the heat now. Events, weddings, production of next year's diary book..! #comeatmebro

I got my last semester's result last Thursday, my GPA seriously dropped. Three point four eight. And it dragged along my CGPA but thank God it's still above 3.5. But this shit ruined my day. Yeah, you may say, bah, kalau bundar masih 3.50 bah tu. Dude, no. Below 3.5 is below 3.5. Well perhaps because I took less subject last semester so they kind affect my GPA, cuz my results on every subject aren't that bad! I got 2 A- and 1 B+! But seriously dude this is just wrong. Below 3.5 is totally wrong. How am I supposed to graduate with at least, CGPA 3.75? T________________T

I'll get a 4.00 this semester, I promise. Maybe, at least 3.80. If not, *inhales deeply* I'll get 10 raw squids from a Japanese restaurant and eat them all. 一言即出，驷马难追. This is my promise to all of you and I'll keep it. I'll, I'll, I'll... I'll have my girl Sabby as my witness! *drags Sabby in* She'll make sure I'll finish all 10 raw squids if I didn't pass my target, regardless of vomiting involved during the process, I must finish them all juga.

I'm not kidding. *poker face*

Oh, by the way, hello October :) I will kill you.

Paradise by Xinxerena

2011-09-27T08:57:00.000+08:00

We walked that miles

And see us fall

We tried to climb

But the wall is too tall

And I hope you find your paradise

Cause' I'm up to nothing good for you and I

Well I hope you'll fly high

This time you've crossed the line... I

won't ever look back cause' all that I have is tears for you

For you

It's time to part

You're leaving anyway

I pick my dirty self up and take me away

To all that I've wronged

I'm guilty till proven innocent

I'm taking back all my words one that smashed in your face

And I hope you'll fly high

This time you've crossed the line... I

won't ever look back cause' all that I have is tears

And while you do so

If that's your paradise... go

Don't ever look back cause' I won't be waiting here for you

For you

If that's your paradise... go

Don't ever look back cause all that I have is tears for you

For you

PS- Heard this on Hitz Borneo English Top 10. Told ya Sabahans are talented!

Have you ever love something so much that

2011-09-23T20:24:00.002+08:00

you can't forget the moment when you first touched them? And then at night in your dream, you two are together, inseparable. I do dream about you. I do.

Diana F~~ucking~~+ ♥

Isn't she gorgeous? I swear she's all I need. But sadly, she isn't mine. This beauty belongs to my college mate Cherry. Cherry has always been a huge fan of lomo cameras (trust me she has a collection of them *___*) and she bring them everywhere. And this is her newest baby. Okay, don't get me wrong. I knew lomography long before it becomes 'mainstream' kay. Love the effect and stuff, it's just that I don't really pay attention to it. Not until I get a chance to ~~molest~~ touch the real Princess Diana. It's love at first sight.

Seeing me went head over heels towards Diana, Cherry told me whereabouts to find stuff for her. So I went to check out all these 120 roll film, the cross process effects, how different films would produce different effects and they're all oh so dreamy. Well, yeah, you can do all these stuff in Photoshop, but come on, I crave for the anticipation of how my pictures would look like after they've been developed. I may not have time to go around to shoot things but, like what Cherry do, I think I'll bring her everywhere so I can capture whatever things that catch my eyes.

And I'm so fookin excited. I'll get you Diana, I'll get you, my princess. Hopefully, before mid-sem.

DIANA F+, BILA BUNYI BERSATU, KAU MILIKKU.

I spoke to my newly-wed lecturer about final project. Hehehh, it's easy to deal with him since he just got married lol. I can see you're well-fed eh, Sir If? ;) Not just food, but loooooooooovvvveeee. LOL. Anyway, about my illustration project, he asked me to narrow down the topic so I chose portrait and figure. And then we narrowed it down again so my final illustration project is entitled: "Famous faces from the golden era". It's not easy, really. He said, okay, so you'll have to make some rough sketches and if I approve then we'll proceed to the 2nd stage and then barulah the final one, 3rd stage. In short, I have to make 38479275236487234 rough sketches and in the very end then he'll pick the best ones, maybe, around 10-15 artworks only. LOL. Yeah. Suicide. I know. But whatever dude. You can't stop a little kid from drawing whatever, wherever heck she likes. And it's my last sprint anyway :) The peak of my passion towards art.

It had been a really tiring week to me, multitasking all the wayyyy! I just realized that I can talk on the phone while designing and send emails after that. Oh yes, I can even eat in between phone calls. And and and attend class after/before all that. And and and again at the end of the day I collapsed on my bed after Isyak prayer. Yes. Welcome to my life. I even missed the chance going out with my girls. Ndapalaa. Yang penting sa kaya nanti. Amin amin amin.

Welp. Work againnnn!

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.

2011-09-18T12:53:00.001+08:00

I swear this is me when I'm doing my sketches.

SNOTM.

2011-09-16T18:38:00.001+08:00

Perhaps the best illustration blog I've ever encountered.

www.snotm.com

Graduation Project!

2011-09-16T10:31:00.002+08:00

So yeah I decided to do Illustration for my graduation final project. I've crossed out oil painting because it's beyond my talent X_X I start early because I want this to be the best illustration book I've ever done. Wish me luck :)

Semester The Seven.

2011-09-13T01:30:00.002+08:00

First of all, I would like to lift my hands and thank God.

This semester, no night class. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah ya Allah alhamdulillah.

I went to get my 7th semester schedule today and yeah, I'm contented. :) I have 4 remaining subjects before the 8th semester's final project BUT I have class from Monday to Friday. But I'm not going to worry anything because they're all in the morning! Which means if I can do overtime till I'm unconscious at my workplace.

Monday
10:00-12:00
Academic Reading and Writing
Tuesday
09:00-12:00
Packaging Design
Wednesday
14:00-17:00
Islamic Studies
Thursday
09:00-11:00
Academic Reading and Writing
Friday
14:00-17:00
3D Animation

I'm a little bit scared about the 3D animation because, from what I heard, this is the toughest subject X_X. Well yeah I did basic 3D before and it was shdghjsdkjsakdklsj tough. So God, please, give me the strength. To have balance on my family, friends, studies and work.

My sister just moved out yesterday, she's now living with her friend at some house nearer to her workplace. And I'm aaaallll alone again ~~(sfx: Alone Again (Naturally) by Gilbert O'Sullivan)~~ Kind of lonely now :/ cooking for one, no one to shout 'I'm hooooooooommmmeeeee' to whenever I get home from work or college. But it's the best for her, I know. She needs to stand up on her own and feeeeeeeeeeeellll life at its worst so she can feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellll life at its best.

Last week she told me she is no longer interested in working in food industry, (she took food science for her degree) but hey, you can do whatever you want alright. There's no use to regret, just focus on what are you going to do next. Nothing is constant, ironically, except change. Forget the risk, take the fall. If it's meant to be, then it's worth it all :) You don't call yourself Aman Leong's kid if you don't have the guts to pursue what you want! It's in our blood!

Mum calls a lot lately, to check up on me. Everytime I hear her voice at the other end I'll sob quietly (and of course) she knows lol. You know there are times in your life when you just feel like resting your head on your mum's lap and listen to her spicy, stinging insults and cry the hell out of yourself. Because not everything that's sweet are good, and not everything that bitter are bad. Macam ubat. :)

Jyeah. On the side note, I just checked my last semester's result. I took 3 subjects and got two A- and one B+. That B+, dude, thank God I got a B+ for Advertising Design. I thought he was going to give me a C for being late almost every classes due to work *tears of joy*. :) And once again, alhamdulillah.

给所有女生。

2011-09-10T21:39:00.001+08:00

女孩，不要把幸福的定义给搞乱了。

最近我在交流网页发现很多女生正在面对失恋后的悲伤。有的交往了整三四年，对方就轻易地把爱情扔掉。好像两个人之间什么事情都没发生过。有的感情被第三者闯入，有的，可能对方觉得太闷了。

好友也刚失恋，有时我们都会在skype交换情绪。她跟前男友交往了大约一年多。男的曼受欢迎，女的太温柔，有一天男朋友被大胆的学妹给抢走了。

学妹，你的胆子也太大了吧，不怕你的下场......会是如何吗？

关于我最近和他发生的事，我没有责怪任何人。只是有点很失望，因为他曾经对我说的话全都像一座美丽的沙堡被海水给冲走。

关于她...... 没有。我并没有责怪她。是，一开始我当然有对她一点的愤怒。但想起来，hm，不值得。反而，我把自己放在她的位置。她也是个女人，一个拥有软弱的心的女人。虽然她的年纪比我们大好几年，但她依然是个女人。她喜欢他喜欢了好几年，比不上我，（虽然在同一间中学念书，但以前没有互相注意对方）在今年五月份在亲戚婚礼相见，做朋友没有一个月就开始交往了。也许我们因工作而感到压力，两方都可渴望被爱，被呵护的感觉，就这么轻易地爱上了对方。

虽然很短暂，但回忆实在太多。我在这世界上活了整２０年，交往也有好几次了，但，老实说，我这次才感受到真正谈恋爱的感觉－在电影里把他的肩膀当枕头，一起看海（虽然海边也没什么好看的。晚上嘛！），看星星，谈废话，还有难忘的初吻。如今只剩下回忆。不过我没有后悔，因为在那段其间我觉得很开心，快乐，幸福地快爆炸。

夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏。美好的时光总是短暂的，我想是因为如果太长的话，it will become not perfect anymore。

其实啊，我想说的是，女生们啊，每个男人都喜欢被注意。不管他有没有女朋友，只要他是男人，他就是喜欢被女生注意。可是身为女生的你，也应该想一想吧。我相信我们都经历过此事，情不自禁地喜欢上别人的男朋友。不过，求求你们停下一会儿，把自己放在他的女朋友的位置，我想，你也不喜欢别的女生跟你的男朋友眉来眼去吧。身为真正的淑女，应该藏下自己的情绪，退后一步。妈妈都曾经说过，不可以随便拿走别人的东西。好事总会发生于那些懂得等待的人。

女孩，虽然我们都失望，难过。生活还得继续的。他走了带不走你的天堂。

Gosh I love crapping in chinese trolololololl.

The Legendary Three.

2011-09-07T03:12:00.000+08:00

Oh, words have no right to grasp how much I love thee :)

Almost silver :)

2011-09-06T01:08:00.000+08:00

It's not always sunny for the past 24 years, but alhamdulillah, they managed to pull it through together :)

They say marriage is about completing each other, that's why the wedding ring is round. LOL I don't know. But I believe the completing part is true. According to my aunts and elder cousins, before my father met my mum, he was kind of, rascal. And then mum came, it's amazing how a woman can make a ~~badass~~ man like dad bow down to her. Mum is kind of impatient, and (after marriage) dad is a very, very, very, VERY patient man. And dad likes to collect stuff, but doesn't know how to keep it. Thank God mum is a very neat and organize person. Not forgetting she's really good at taking care of dad's stuff, most of our home appliances are more than 10 years already. Believe it or not, the little green fridge at home is same age as me.

Mum ever said this to me, Hawa dijadikan dari rusuk kiri Adam, untuk dibelai (try put your hands to your left rib, your arms form into a circle to embrace, she should be right beneath your arms to be protected and that's how a woman should be treated by her spouse.) bukannya untuk disakiti. Your left rib is naturally bended, if you try to straighten it with force, it'll break. But a woman can also be the one to teach you, guide you, like what mum did to dad and all of us. A very decent woman can be destined to marry to a man with really bad behaviour, because only He knows what lies ahead. Allah knows best :)

Happy 24th anniversary, Elizabeth and Aman. 24 years and still going strong.

Hello September.

2011-09-04T05:27:00.003+08:00

Just came back from a week of perfect escape. How was your Eid celebration? Mine was just as lovely as I wanted. The first day was hectic. Relatives came to visit, kind of like non-stop? Even until night time. I only managed to steal some time to reply and send my greetings to everyone through phone at 1PM. At the end of the day, I went upstairs and collapsed on the chilly wooden floor, screw it for being so inviting. My nephew went upstairs and became puzzled as he saw his aunt lying on the floor. Sorry Ian, I was tired :/ Usually I'm not like this... I'm a totally civilized lady. Really.

With my musketeers on the first day of Eid. Cute kids never really grow up, you see ;)
Lumba bha sepa kaya dulu. Huaaaaaa-

If I'm on a death row, this would be my last drink.

Waking up to mum's Quran recital at dawn prayer, making dad's coffee for breakfast and having mum's Milo for breakfast was bliss. Most of day 2 spent quietly at home, we only went out to other relatives' houses after Asar prayer. I'm not really a fan of firecrackers and stuff, but the sparklers was kind of fun.

Little Wawa was having fun, obviously. At first his uncle didn't let her play so much but I insisted.
Oh come on, give the kid all the fun she wants.

Nothing special though, really. I didn't even get any green packets from the houses we went. Whyyy? do I look that old? Sad... *squeaks*

Dad brought me around Keningau and introduce me to relatives that actually related to us. LOL. I mean dad was driving and pointing out the houses.. itu rumah ____________ saudara juga itu, nenek punya ini punya itu. See. That's how we are related. *poker face*

But the most remarkable one was when stopped at in front of this almost damaged house. The house is being taken care by a foreigner. It is, yes, very dirty. And please, I'm not some kind of arrogant bitch or what, but I seriously can't live in such condition. I can't even stand being inside the house for 5 minutes. But what breaks my heart even more is that, there's an old lady, a very old lady live in it. She is old that when she talks, she'll talk about the British. Dad said she is related to my great grandfather, one of her cousin, perhaps. He will call the social service to get this woman a better place to stay. Well she used to own a huge piece of land around the house before some of it was taken, or sold, I don't know by her own son.

Her son.

son.

Son.

SON.

Gila. Saya pantang dengar kes begini. Please excuse my word but what kind of ~~motherfucker~~ son are you? Just ran away to marry a girl and abandon your mother like this?

Usually I'll curse the hell out of this man. But I am unable to do so. Thing he did is beyond terrible, even if I use the most terrible word to curse him, it wouldn't be enough.

Only God knows what to do with you.

Dear every kids on earth. Do not abandon your parents. What makes you think carrying you for 9 months is an easy thing? What makes you think that working day and night to feed your guts, give you shelter and education is an easy thing? What makes you think

Nevermind. You know what's in your heart. Be clear of your priorities.

By the way, September is here. Let us hope he'll be nice to us :)

Happy Eid Mubarak! From Sarah with L.O.V.E ♥

2011-08-28T02:30:00.002+08:00

You know I had this weird dream last night where I was in Akademi Fantasia. -_____- So I was among the last 6? 5? contestants standing before going to the final concert. And then I was eliminated. -____- The next morning I had Agnes Monica's Tak Ada Logika repeating in my head. LOL. I think I miss mum so much that I dreamt of AF. I don't even watch that stuff since 2005. Well everytime when there's a bunting or banner on the roadside about singing auditions mum will be like, "nah, tu Sarah. Joinlah." -____- Mum always jinx me with something that's... not me? She jinx me to become a teacher, and there you go, I was a kindergarten teacher (but it was awesome yo), and then stewardess, and this, singer. Instead of these, I hope next time mum jinx me to become a mogul, a billionaire, one of the 10 most successful women in Malaysia or something. Jangan main-main, doa ibu tu. Heheheheheheh.

So yeah. Today, before I went off from my office, my boss gave me a long lecture about life and business. I've been with her for 5 months and alhamdulillah, I can say that I have learnt A LOT from this woman. She even lend me this book!

At first I was like O_O Dang. There must be a lot of numbers in this book. Dude I no speak numbers I speak colours. But yeah, there are numbers, but amazingly my head processes them so well. And it's quite interesting.. PLUS MOTIVATING :) Especially the cash flow part. Before this I have no idea how to control my cash flow but after reading this I can pretty much plan my budget and stuff. Oh yes, this book helped her when she first started her business as well. I have no confidence, trust me. But it somehow makes me happy and uplifting when a person like her said she sees potential in me.

Well. I'm going back home tomorrow! Might not go online since I want to spend my short days there with my family, chasing the chickens and my nieces and nephews. Home home home. Always feels nice. No heartache, no nothing. I want to bake cookieeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss!! I just bought a new apron anyway, replace the one I've been wearing since Form 1. I want to sleep until mum throws pebble to my window and question my femininity. LOL. I'll be back on the 3rd for Otafuse... and I haven't even printed my artworks -_-

But KK, promise me to be nice when I came back, for I'm just a little bird who's just learning to spread my wings to fly. My vision is still blurry, please do not lead me to colourful things when in fact they are just a pile of plastics. Do not let me follow the false flock of birds, that makes me forget the road home. When I'm about to go lost, please remind me to turn back, and go back home. Please keep this in my heart: "Be humble, be honest and stay grounded"

Before I end this post, I would like to wish all my readers a Happy Eid Mubarak, minal aidin wal faidzin, please forgive me if I have ever offended you on any of my posts. Hopefully this Syawal brings us a new, fresh and better beginning. InsyAllah :)

Till then. Assalamualaikum :)

Part of my heart, some of my blood.

2011-08-25T20:23:00.001+08:00

You see.

I'm the Yellow Ranger because there are only 2 female rangers in Power Rangers

and of course you're the pink one. Because you said so.

Well thank God Sailormoon only consist of girls and there are many choices.

I am the Sailor Jupiter and you're Sailor Venus. No clash.

You got the beauty, also the brain.

Kind of hard living behind a perfect sister's shadow.

Mum said 'be like your sister! She's blablablaaaaa'

Well I did snap at her for comparing.

Because we are two different being :)

Despite being so mean to me since forever,

I cried hard the 1st time you were away from home for NS.

The first time I felt the room was empty,

no more arguing on who's switching off the light.

Sometimes I even forgot to switch it off.

I admit,

this episode of Chibi Maruko Chan made me sob alone in front of the TV

because her sister was stolen by an annoying little brat.

Shameless confession, I WAS 16 YEARS OLD.

#wtf

gtfo kid get your own sister.

1 thing we have in common is that we do hate Usagi :)

If family is like a body,

then papa would be my head

mama would be my right hand

and you'd be my left hand.

because you're like my walking book,

my walking source of facts ;)

Life is hard, yes.

What you had was just part of it.

I don't mind shielding you from how terrible life can be

because I love you with all my heart.

Well I would be happy if there's a man in your life

who can make you feel happy

but if he walked over you,

I would have to run over him

with papa's Proton Saga.

Mind you, I don't have a license.

So be very afraid.

It has always been both of us

相依为命

Sheena and Sarah against the world.

You know you can't do it without me :P

because I can't do everything without you too.

Happy birthday, dear sister

my best friend

my worst enemy

my ex-roommate

my housemate

my teacher

my cat fight partner

my shopping partner

part of my heart

some of my blood

may Allah bless you :)

LIDUT

Adik sayang kakak dengan sepenuh-penuh hati kecil ini.

#cheesy #entriberbayar #muntah

Paperboats.

2011-08-24T20:43:00.003+08:00

Howdeedoopdeedooo earthlings! It's August the 24th. Which means 6 more days to Syawal... and I am very excited. This year's Syawal is a lot different for me, since this is my 1st Ramadhan without parents. I mean, my parents are in Keningau, so me and my sister have to get up early to prepare sahur and iftar on the evening. Plus classes, assignments and work work work my never ending work. But I will be home on the 28th so I'm going to make sure everything is settled before I go back because NO ONE CAN INTERRUPT MY TIME WITH MY FAMILY and the chickens. Mmkay? :)

Thank you everyone who's concerned about what happened to me. Yes I had gastric, really bad gastric, but I'm okay now, Alhamdulillah. To be honest, that was the worst ache I've ever experienced. The day before I went to the clinic with my boss and was given some medication. But the next day was... horrible. Imagine waking up to chest pain and breathing difficulties. I thought I was going to pass out or something. Surah Yaasin was on my replay twice, it calmed me down, but still very painful. And then the next thing you know, I was lying on the floor, suffocating. So I called mum, (I didn't want to let her know at first but the pain was getting unbearable) she asked me to break my fast. I did. And said sorry to her. About everything. Amazingly the pain reduced. Yes, I learnt my lesson.

My apology goes to dear Ily and the bros for not being able to join you guys during iftar on the 21st. Yes, that was the day I fell sick. Ily, I'll make it up to you okay dear? We have loads to catch up anyway :)

So things didn't go well with me and him, you've seen the havoc. Here and there for the past few days, kind of messy. What really happened isn't important anymore. I don't point fingers on no one because we both made mistakes and learn from it. :) What really matters is that I enjoyed his company throughout the brief period. I regret nothing. ;)

And thanks to my lovely girls to help me cope with this.

Aaaannnndddd. I just put a dot to semester 6. Want my notes before I make them into paperboats???Woohooo!! Had my last paper just now and hopefully I did well. I am looking forward to semester 7! Tough sem ahead! 3D, packaging design... and err, um. I'll tell you again as soon as I get my timetable k? Hee.. But one thing for sure, hello sleepless nights and baggier designer bags.

Well. That's an update. :) But let me show you something before I end this post. :P

Click for enlargement please.

Kinda nice, don't you think? *runs*

Thought of the day.

2011-08-21T14:52:00.005+08:00

Heart closed under construction until further notice :)

天黑黑 Dark Sky - 孫燕姿 Stefanie Sun

2011-08-21T08:49:00.001+08:00

我的小時候吵鬧任性的時候
我的外婆總會唱歌哄我
夏天的午後老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好像這樣唱的
When I was small, when I was stubborn
My grandmother would always sing to me
On summer afternoons, grandma's song would comfort me
That song would go something like this

天黑黑﹐欲落雨﹐天黑黑﹐黑黑。。。
The sky is dark, it's going to rain, the sky is dark, dark...

離開小時候有了自己的生活
新鮮的歌新鮮的念頭
任性和衝動無法控制的時候
我忘記還有這樣的歌
Grown up now, had my own life
Fresh songs, fresh ideas
When it's impossible to control my wilfulness and impulsiveness
I forget I still have this song

天黑黑﹐欲落雨﹐天黑黑﹐黑黑。。。
The sky is dark, it's going to rain, the sky is dark, dark...

我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人
我以為這就是我所追求的世界
然而橫沖直撞被誤解被騙
是否成人的世界背後總有殘缺
I fell in love with someone I could risk my life for
I believed this was the world I pursued
However, I fumbled, was misunderstood, was cheated
Is the adult world really so terrible?

我走在每天必須面對的分岔路
我懷念過去單純美好的小幸福
愛總是讓人哭讓人覺得不滿足
天空很大卻看不清楚好孤獨
I walk everyday, faced with the road ahead
I miss my past's innocent blissful little happiness
Love always lets people cry, makes people unsatisfied
The sky is very big but can't see clearly - how lonely

天黑的時候我又想起那首歌
突然期待下起安靜的雨
原來外婆的道理早就唱給我聽
下起雨也要勇敢前進
我相信一切都會平息
我現在好想回家去
When the sky is dark, I remember that song
And expect to see the peaceful rain
In grandma's truth sung to me back then
That even if it rains, we must bravely continue
I believe everything can calm down
I now wish to go home

天黑黑﹐欲落雨﹐天黑黑﹐黑黑。。。
The sky is dark, it's going to rain, the sky is dark, dark...

Dear God.

2011-08-21T07:48:00.000+08:00

Allah, maafkan hambaMu kerana hanya mencariMu di saat hiba.

Aku menyesal, kerana hipokrasiku

yang berpura-pura baik pada luaran

tetapi tidak bila tiada sesiapa yang melihat

Aku alpa, aku terlupa

Adanya Raqib dan Atid di sisi

yang tidak pernah leka dengan tanggungjawab mereka.

Juga Allah yang Maha Melihat.

Ampunkan hambaMu ya Allah.

Please, reduce this pain.

Girls and drugs.

2011-08-17T01:39:00.001+08:00

Ui tots gila sa type ni pun masi sebak. *deep sniff*

So Elle came the earliest and she helped me with the rice. Then Nat called, we were already laughing. There are 7? 8? 9? of us but I'm closer to Nat and Elle. Even the thought of these 2 girls can already make me laugh like hell *shakes head*. And then Suze, Erica and Mechelle came followed by Sya and Vonnie.

The food were ashdkjdfshkjdshfklasjfka nice thanks to Chef Suze of Sutera Harbour *cough*. Really! I can't get over the, um, what? Ulam. Sayur apa suda ko guna tu kak? Hahahhahaaa definitely going to try making that on my own next time ;)

Reminiscing the olden days really made me laugh. I mean yeah, all the cat fights and childish shit seemed so real to us then. After 10 years, what made us cry, now make us laugh... and cry too. The autograph moment was epic. Do you remember what do you want to be when you were still in primary school? Are you living your childhood dream? Your favourite song back then, is it still your favourite?

People come, people go. People walk into your heart and beat the crap out of that thing until it's broken. But one thing for sure, girlfriends are there to mend it for you. No matter it was crashed for how many gazillion times. It has always been them to help mending your broken heart. Aside of family, they are the people who knows you best, love you the most.

So please, despite our commitments and all, please don't let our next gathering would be someone's bachelorette party or someone's wedding or even worse someone's kid's full moon party :/ Oh come on.

I honestly don't know what to write :| I just feel like writing it down to let go this lump on my chest. I miss you girls, thanks for making me laugh. I can't remember when was the last time I laughed that HARD. I've been busy with stuff and just busy busy busy until I lost myself, not doing what should a 20 year-old should do. I should be happy before I get older and some heavy dosage of laughter with my girls is exactly what I need. Yes, that is very healthy :) Until everyone went home and left me cleaning the house in pain. ~~Nda guna kamu nda tulung sa kasi bersih~~ loljk. It really upsets me to know I wont be getting these again for some period of time because of commitments. I need to laugh. I really need to laugh. It would be heaven if I can laugh like that everyday. Can we like, what Elle suggested, live under one roof and let Suze cook until we get old? No one goes out on weekend, just stay in that house and laugh with each other.

Miss you girls already. Promise to see each other in this nearest time kay? Sayang kamu ♥

Happy birthday.

2011-08-14T01:02:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday, wherever on earth you are now ♥

p/s- hai peeps. steal any of these,

i promise to become nightmare in your sleep.

Saturday and the week.

2011-08-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

Been kind of busy with work and chasing deadlines. My internet got cut off from the 9th to 11th because I haven't paid the bills. Bulum gaji nopo. Bah, life. Just lol it off lah.

I'm not offended if anyone said I wear the same clothes over and over again. In fact, I'll laugh and agree with you. XD

It's not like what you think, I do wash them lololol. I mean, if you check my closet, I only have some clothes (nda cukup baju hahahahahaaa). I haven't been shopping for clothes since my last closet spring clean. Well I did, but I think just less than 5 pieces X_X So... yeah.

I would be lying if I say I don't like to shop for clothes. I do okay. I'm a lady, I can't help drooling over nice garments, but that's it. I can just drool over it *cry*. If I go out with my sister, I call that kasi sakit sakit hati since she must at least buy something everytime we go out. I must say, my sister has a good sense of style than me.

I am a typical blouse and trousers plus flat sandals girl. You can pretty much predict what I'm going to wear tomorrow. I have this black (multi-occasion lol) ~~life-saver~~ cardigan and you'll see me wearing that very often. I wake up every morning ~~feeling like Hana Tajima~~ and spend 20 minutes in the shower but only less than 5 minutes to get ready. Blouse, trousers, cardigan, ~~yesterday's~~ hijab :P and I'm ready.

Let me quote this back. Confession of A Shopaholic.

"When I was a little girl,
there were real prices and mom prices.
Real prices got you shiny,
sparkly things that lasted three weeks,
and mom prices got you brown things...
... that lasted forever."

Last March, I bought a cute pair of sandals for RM20 (it's on sale) and it lasted for 2 months only. Mum bought me Comfit sandals (can't recall if it's since 2005 or 2007) which look like the one Ah Sao/Ah Po/Ah Ma/Ah Yi/Ah Gu would wear for his Tai-Chi lesson and it only cost below RM50. Guess what, I'm still wearing it. WELL SCREW YOU FOR LAUGHING. If I throw that sandal to your face you'll pass out but the sandal is still okay, ko mau try?

My point is, no. I'm not offended if you think I have no sense of style. Most of my money are spent on food, bills and school supplies. I won't be tempted to buy clothes that are more than RM20, unless I really, really like it. I love to feel pretty, but I don't know how to wear makeup :P I only apply them lightly when there's function. Furthermore, I don't really like the feeling of having something sticky on my face.

Yes. I am a girl. Damn straight.

Oh yeah. 1 more thing.

See this cbox, if I get 10 cents for every ads on my cbox, I'll be filthy rich.

Zainib Amirah.

2011-08-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

Bila kau balik?

*creepy stare*

18:58PM

2011-08-05T20:11:00.002+08:00

18:58PM.
Essential Business Communication class.

I went back home from office for a while for Asar prayer about 2 hours ago before heading to class. Wondering how and where am I going to break my fast. Reached KK at around 18:00 and I went straight to Wawasan Plaza's KFC hoping that I would found my friends there, waiting for Maghrib. Well, just what I've expected, they weren't there. But thank God, because there are only a few bucks left in my purse. So I went out to find some waffle and latte, ignoring the fact that I was really hungry.

While I was in the elevator, suddenly a gush of positive energy just came into my exhausted mind. Yes, I might break my fast with only these food, but somewhere in the corner of the world, some kids would die for a just a small bite of my waffle. Allah make me realize the real meaning of fasting in the holy month of Ramadhan, not just to restrain self from eating and drinking, but also to appreciate.

There were no one in class and it was already 18:30pm, I tried to find some human being in the computer lab and found Cliff. The lecture room was locked so we went in from the other side (ze secretz passaje).

I finally sat down on my usual spot and checked my phone, it was 18:35.

Alhamdulillah, The waffle and latte tasted wonderful than usual :)

I told myself, someday, insyallah when life gets better I will always remember this day, where I broke my fast with only waffle and latte.

Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak!

2011-07-31T23:45:00.003+08:00

It's Ramadhan!
Alhamdulillah, we are very blessed to be given another chance
to celebrate this holy month.

May this year's Ramadhan will be better and more meaningful than the previous years. Insyallah :)

So yeah, since I'm not living with my parents anymore so

I'm going to set my alarm to 3:50am to prepare sahur
for my (non-existent) kids and husband.

And my sister.

And feed the stray cats with our leftovers.

Gah. I should restrain myself from merepek.

Salam Ramadhan everyone! :)

Situations.

2011-07-28T01:22:00.001+08:00

When there's a will, there's a way.

Hai both of you who have been texting me with your situations.

Situation 1:
Easy way or your desired way.

Let me just bring this back:

Some chose the easiest way to avoid temporary confusion. Temporary as in 3 years of studying a course that is given to you randomly. Some chose the desired way, which people always term it as hard way that involves pursuing things you really want in your life. I do not want to term it as hard way, so let's just say the desired way.

I initially wanted to describe what may happen if you took the easiest way and the desired way, but I thought, meh, who am I to predict what may happen in the future. Only God knows best.

So I'm going to put it like this. Just go for the thing you really want. Like what I said, when there's a will, there's a way. I know it's easy for me to just say it but ain't easy to accomplish, I know. I really know that. Along the way, you'll feel heartbroken, disappointed, you'll loathe yourself, yes, at times you'll feel shitty, confused and worthless. But you're the one who have chosen this way, there is no one in this world knows you better than yourself, you are aware of your own capabilities. You know can do this, so do not look back, move forward. Instead of saying things like 'I regret for not taking the easiest way', prove to yourself and the others that you're on the right track. Instead of wasting your time regretting shit, how about use those precious time of your youth to make your dreams come true.

I can only say these.

The rest

your call :)

Situation 2:

Stop blaming, start working.

I'm sorry I would have to judge you. You've been backed up for all your life, so tell me what do you feel now - falling down without any parachute to save your ass?

Sorry lah, coarse word. But life is coarse than the word 'ass' lol. Well dude, this is just the beginning, you haven't been through the worst.

To become successful, talent isn't enough without hardwork and sacrifices. When I say hardwork, it means how far would you go to keep your dreams alive? And by sacrifices mean how willingly are you to sacrifice to keep your dreams alive?

So you and your bandmates wanted that. Especially you. In fact, you're already counting the chickens before they hatch. And when things gone wrong, please, try not to blame others. Yeah from what you've told me they are pain in the ass. Real life's harsh, not everyone is going to help you when you're in trouble. But God have given us 2 wonderful hands and 2 wonderful legs to work, so use them. Remember, you want this too. Tell me how can you accomplish your dream without making sacrifices?

Just stop making excuses and asking for people's charity. You can't just rely on people forever.

When you're humming to your favourite songs on the radio, no one ever bother how much pain did the artists went through to get one song, one song to be played on the radio. And so now you know. You are talented. All of you. But those who worked hard go further than those with natural talent but have less or no effort at all.

No one ever said it's going to be easy.

There are ways to solve this, and I've told you one of them.

so now

it's just

your call.

To these two person,

I don't give advice, these are just my opinions. Who am I to tell you what to do?

So like I said,

your call.

A week of 20.

2011-07-17T00:04:00.003+08:00

I just feel like blogging. Everyone been updating their blogs and I want to update mine as well. Even though I don't really have anything to say.

Hm.

As usual, I rushed to class on Monday after work. An A2 size art briefcase on my left hand, a laptop bag slinging on my body and a can of Nescafe Ice on my right hand. There was a little kid standing next to me at the bus stop just stared... and stared. I gave him a smile and he looked away awkwardly. I wonder was on the kid's mind when he stared at me.

Again, about kids. (I forgot what day was it) There was this little Chinese kid (his father works at the next office) playing alone inside a huge packaging box. Just seeing him playing made me smile and then, involuntarily, I asked for a high-5. He high-5ed me back and we both smile like we've been friends for years. It's amazing how a simple gesture can make my heart feels warm.

A really close cousin texted me saying she just got rejected (again) by UPU and my reaction was, LOL. Macam kita nda besa kan? -in a joking manner. My girl Ily told me kau ni nda bulih kena kasi patah oh. I did okay. I did break my bones, everything. But what the use of cellophane tapes? Patah selotep balik lah. Don't lose hope. Stop blaming fate. Life is too short to mourn for your regrets. Move on, darling :)

Mum texted me about having kenduri arwah on next Sunday in Keningau. The thought of going back home feels ~~like riding a unicorn over a rainbow~~ good. I'm going to bring my oldest teddy and snuggle next to mama on her bed until she kicks me away. I wanted to annoy papa too. But I'm going to think of a subtle way to annoy him. Because I miss them that much. ~~And I'm currently having a serious lack of affection disorder.~~ Yes, I can pretty much consider myself as a grown woman. But there's still a little girl in me, that will only come out when she is in her safe zone called home.

And I have to go to work tomorrow. *scratches neck*

Yuna - Random Awesome ♥

2011-07-15T19:14:00.000+08:00

It all began

At the show one weekend,

I was a friend of your cousin

said "Hey, how you've been?"

And with your checkered shirt on

and my Reebok shoes on

Let's watch something random

Turned to something awesome

And I smile I love no,

I laugh happier somehow

No I don't know what is up with me

I laugh too much recently

No, they don't know much about us

When we're exchanging glances

We'll figure out one day,

what happened on your 24th birthday

It all began

with a simple confession

You had an urge to kiss me

and I was on the verge to miss you

And it happen,
no, we don't understand

No, I won't even budge

Before we didn't hang out much

So save me in your playlist

so, you wont forget this

And if this dont quite go your way

You'll still have me on replay

With your checkered shirt on

and my Reebok shoes on

Let's watch something random

Turned to something awesome

And I smile I love no,

I laugh happier somehow

No I don't know what is up with me

I laugh too much recently

No, they don't know much about us

When we're exchanging glances

We'll figure out one day,
what happened on your 24th birthday.

Thank You.

2011-07-09T01:00:00.027+08:00

I am thankful that I'm still breathing and this heart is still beating.

I am thankful for those 20 wonderful years.

I am thankful to have a father who has great perseverance and also inspires.

I am thankful to have a mother, a best friend who is a lot stronger than she thought.

I am thankful to have a brother, despite his flaws, he's one of Your greatest gift to me.

I am thankful to have a sister who cat fights with me but we still depend on each other no matter what.

I am thankful to have relatives that are really really close to each other.

I am thankful to have a ~~slut~~ sister who girl talks to me in YM almost every night and gives advice whenever I need them and kidnaps me whenever she wants.

I am thankful to have a sister who sneaked out of the hostel to celebrate my 19th birthday, and who listens to my ranting for 2 hours even it is already past bedtime.

I am thankful to have a sister who doesn't give advice, but listens patiently to my problems.

I am thankful to have sisters who I can sing and dance with in a karaoke room. Shamelessly. LOL.

I am thankful to have sisters who have been walking with me for more than 14 years.

I am thankful to have a person who fills my inbox with kisses, calls me every night before sleep, makes me look forward to the weekend and gives me some really wicked ~~butterflies~~ pterodactyl in the tummy.

I am thankful to have a teacher who motivates when the rest of the world had brought me down.

I am thankful to have supercalifragilisticexpialidocious friends who paint my life with awesome colours. You guys are the best.

I am thankful to have a boss, a mentor who makes my life miserable but also teaches me a lot about real life.

I am thankful to have a functional body.

I am thankful for the all the good things in life that You have given to me.

I am thankful for all the obstacles You put me through. Every obstacle makes me stronger, wiser.

I am thankful to be here.

I am thankful to have a bed for sleeping.

I am thankful for the food I've eaten all these years.

I am thankful to be able to type this post.

I am thankful for all the knowledge I have.

I am thankful for all the memories in my head.

I am thankful to be able to thank You.

I am blessed to have everything I have.

I am blessed to be myself.

2nd half of the year.

2011-06-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

Howdy earthlings! How’s life been treating you? Sorry for the lack of updates. Been busy with things lately until my designer bags under both eyes are getting baggy.

Welp.

First of all, happy birthday Cancerians! I have 3 girls turned 20 in 10 final days of June. Zen on the 22nd, Ema on the 25th and Nat on 28th. Yayy 20!! Tell me the thought of number 2 in front of a 0 doesn’t excite you!!!

Heh. Age is just a number what.

Really?

I still when I was 10, which was about 10 years ago. I can’t recall what I did but I think it’s something bad that my mother said “Bah, kau itu 10 tahun sudah!” –I felt like a grown up lolololll. At this age, every kid wants to grow up. And then here comes 13, the emo-est stage of a teenager. Peer pressure starts to press you like the pokok under the tree (what?) But no, I didn’t really feel the pressure. I remember talking to some of the Gucci girls in my junior 1 class, since one of them was so popular among the cute seniors. Uinah. Tipu la sia kalu sia cakap inda jeles bah. She told us we have to dress like a grown up to impress the seniors, going to club etc. But naaaaah. I still can't see what's wrong with wearing Hello Kitty hairclips as a 13 year-old. Besides, me and my bestie Elle were just soooooo into vandalising our Mathematics text book with some crap. Since we loathed that subject so much. Oh please do not ask what did we write...

I have an uncle whom I hung out with on school holiday (since I worked in his home-based restaurant in Keningau), perhaps he got no one to talk to in the kitchen (there were only me and the food) and so he talked to me like an adult. I mean, at least, things he told me were a little bit advance for a 13 year-old. Girl. I remember I was sitting at the passenger side of the car while we were on our way to Tenom to get some fish. He told me he used to be scared of getting old. Because of the mentality - when we get old, we’ll get sick. But after he reached that point (he refused to say ‘old’) he was like, meh, sama seja pun. Hahahahahaaa I’ll always remember this!

Then here comes the time where random people refers you as kakak. Even the ones that are obviously older than you call you by that title. The elderly in the mosque started to ask you to get married. You can’t be serious wa. Where got money? No money no honey. And then they started to preach about importance of getting married early according to religion. How it is going to motivate you to work hard after getting married. Iya bah, iya.

But I haven’t got enough fun yet.

At least let me enjoy these last days of being a teenager before I’m officially 20.

*wink*

Lesson of Life.

2011-06-19T02:52:00.005+08:00

Lesson of life from Papa.

1. There's no such thing as fast money. (My sister and I swear by this quote.)

2. My girls are strictly prohibited from lepak-ing -means, sitting around in the public (staircase etc.). Find a proper spot to sit.

3. I'll provide you everything if you study hard.

4. Jangan degil. Papa always right. If I'm not, I'm still right.

5. Smoking kills.

6. Be independent. Just wait for the bus.

7. Every man has flaws. Except for Papa.

8. "Kau tengok bah macam mana saya driving. Mana saya pijak itu clutch, minyak, herpderpherpderp. Nanti senang-senang pandai-pandailah bawa sendiri."

9. Burung Kakak Tua.

10. Don't go here, don't go there. Unless you have friends to fetch you and send you back. LOL.

11. Don't let me catch you hanging out with some guy. Alone.

12. Unless you intend to bring him back home to see me.

13. If you don't, just don't let me catch you and PLEASE BE AWARE OF YOUR LIMITS. Or don't do it at all.

14. You can't get anything without doing anything.

15. Just be independent okay.

16. If it's still okay, then we can still use it.

17. The art of modifying.

18. They used to call me MacGyver in Keningau. I can bring a damaged Mini Austin back to life. Your arguments are invalid.

19. Courage will take you further.

20. Ikat tali kasut.

21. Balut hadiah.

22. How to use a paintbrush.

23. Skills over theories.

24. You wanna go out? Ask mama.

25. Patience pays.

26. If you know you can do it, then do it on your own.

27. Dimulakan dengan Bismillah.

28. Disudahi dengan Alhamdulillah.

29. Sexy clothes on girls aren't sexy.

30. Be thankful.

Happy Father's Day, Superman.

Thank you for giving me and Sheena high expectations on boys.

We love you ♥

Yin and Yang.

2011-06-16T02:27:00.002+08:00

Kota Kinabalu in the morning. (Afternoon to be exact) with Photoshop edits.

Thank you blogger for ruining the texture.

Kota Kinabalu at night. Without any edits.

Just some awesome camera settings technique from a pro.

I did help okay. To click the capture button lololololll.

Thank you Izaan ♥

Look what can I do without the internet.

2011-06-13T19:48:00.004+08:00

Done in Corel Draw X3, by mouse. Yes. Mouse squeaksqueaksqueak mouse. I have no tablet kay. I'm too poor to buy that thing. The most effective and expensive things I have on me now are just my ideas :) You can have the best gadgets in the world to get shit done but if you don't have the ideas, the gadgets are just useless.

Oh, by the way. I just got my schedule for semester 6 today and my subjects are Islamic Studies, Corporate Identity Design, Essential Business Communication Skills and Advertising Design. Took 4 subjects only since this is a short semester. And yeah. I got night class for Essential Business Communication Skills (say whuuuuutttt???) 6:30PM to 8:30PM. Meh. After working for the whole day and you expect me to learn how to write resumes and blablabla at night? Give me a break. I hope they'll actually open a morning class for this so we won't have to suffer.

And I got my result too! Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. It is waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than I expected. Hahahaa I seriously thought that I'm going to get a lot of C's. But thank God I just get one B. And the rest are still A's. Phew!

On a side note. It was my father's 54th birthday yesterday. Alhamdulillah mama said he's getting better :) Went to say a little prayer for my father at the mosque in the afternoon and then went off to annoy Izaan with all my curiosities on photography.

Well that's an update folks! :D

Lil' Pink Cake.

2011-06-04T20:07:00.002+08:00

Not a 10-storey cake but still so lovely.

May Allah bless your marriage,

Vivie and Zaid (27th May 2011) :)

While I was away for a week.

2011-06-03T20:10:00.003+08:00

It all started with my mama's message at 2PM last Tuesday saying papa has been admitted to CCU for early stage heart failure at 3AM.

I just left my work behind and went to Keningau by bus. (Thanks to my boss, she was the one who sent me to the bus terminal. A total sweetheart.) I was totally confused at that moment, I forced myself to sleep or else I'll just cry on the entire journey.

When I reached his ward in CCU, his body was wired and one hand is on IV. I cried even more. Because never, even once in my life I ever seen him like that, until that day. He lost the usual bright colours on his face, just some shade of dull, sick colours. Mama said he's been expecting me since I told them that I'm coming home to see him. When he saw me walking to his bed, crying, his eyes began to water as well. But he smiled and extended his hand to pat my head. LOL pa, when did the last time you did that? 15 years ago?

His condition wasn't that severe, mama told me he complained having chest pain (not exactly chest pain lah, just felt uneasy on the chest) at 3AM so they went to the hospital. Hahaa this is the funniest part, papa drove himself to the hospital (accompanied by my mother, of course). He has early stage heart failure, and, he is lucky because of early detection. Alhamdulillah. And he is over fatigue plus the stress that built up for all these years.

We went back home that night after visiting hours. The house feels empty and cold. It is not a home without him. While he was still in the hospital, I never gone through a day without crying. I know, I know I shouldn't do that, it'll only make my mother feel upset, although she didn't show it. But I just can't help, I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling of losing, and I was scared. I was scared for no reason. He was just away for a few days to get a sufficient rest in CCU, but it already drives me crazy. The fact that papa is in CCU made me feel scared and upset for the whole time. One afternoon, I sat on the bench on your farm knowing that you're sick, the feeling kills me. The last time I sat on the same bench I was watching him watering the crops. I just can't accept the fact that he is sick.

I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready.

That night, I sat on the old lazy chair he always sat on after dinner and we'll sing the Burung Kakak Tua for gazillion times back then and realized, I'm still the same 3 year-old girl who would love to sing Burung Kakak Tua with him again and again. The lazy chair... the lazy chair. I remember my feet can barely reach the edge of the lazy chair back then and now they extend more than the leg rest. But I'm still the same girl. I'm still the same girl who think there's no other men greater than you. Even if, someday, there is someone out there for me, you're still the first and will always be the first in my heart. No one can ever replace that.

When the doctor finally decided to discharge him, I couldn't think of anything else but to bring him home.

Thoughts.

2011-05-21T17:24:00.003+08:00

Tuhan cipta otak untuk berfikir.

Fikir punya fikir, maka datanglah sang ilham.

Ilham ini diinterpretasikan dalam bentuk seni.

Haaa. Ini mencetuskan kontroversi.

Kalau aku bilang sains datangnya dari seni?

Kamu percaya?

Baik, jangan bahaskan dahulu.

Aku teruskan,

dengan sains dan seni, maka terhasilnya teknologi.

Penghasilan seni yang konsisten mencerminkan sebuah budaya,

dan budaya itu lahir dari sebuah tamadun,

dan dari tamadun tergubalnya perundangan.

Apa asas perundangan?

Falsafah.

Nampak kaitannya?

Sabar sayang,

Aku belum habis berceloteh.

Dengan tamadun juga lahirnya bahasa

dengan bahasa lahirnya sastera

dan komunikasi.

Lihat hubungannya?

Jika kita tidak berfikiran sempit,

sedar akan betapa aliran-aliran ilmu ini berkait rapat antara satu sama lain.

Walau kelihatan jauh, tetapi sebenarnya mereka saling berhubung.

Alah, macam saudara.

Sebenarnya, perkara sebenar yang ingin aku sampaikan ialah,

adik sayang, jangan hidup berpaksikan tanggapan orang.

Manusia berfikiran sempit

terlalu sempit untuk membenarkan hakikat bahawa setiap ilmu di dunia ini adalah berguna.

Jika si polan berkata pada adik: "Ah, buat apa kau belajar aliran ini? Tiada gunanya."

Ucapkan padanya selamat datang ke planet bumi

di mana setiap aliran ilmu di dunia ini adalah berguna.

Miss Farah Shafinaz of mycutepupu.blogspot.com!

2011-05-05T20:53:00.003+08:00

Sorry, I'm a bit busy lately juggling between school and work.

But yes, I'm going to fulfill what I have promised!

Congratulation to Miss Farah Shafinaz

for being the 100th follower of

story from my latibule ♥

Here's your candy.

And to my dear readers, don't forget to drop by at

Miss Farah's mycutepupu.blogspot.com!

Salam Perkenalan! :D

99 Followers

2011-05-03T10:06:00.001+08:00

The 100th lucky follower will get a candy from me ;)

Ze Royal Matrimony.

2011-04-30T15:36:00.011+08:00

At first I was at the office yesterday when my boss said "Prince William kahwin jam 3 nanti..." Then I was like, Oh.

When I logged into Facebook yesterday night my newsfeed was flooded with the Royal Wedding news. I was like,

And then I went to Tumblr and my dash was flooded with the Royal Wedding too.

Until I saw this.

I went numb for a few seconds, yeah, literally. Will, you're one lucky bastard.

You see, everything about this picture amazes me. Not just the pretty bride, but the wedding gown as well homaigosh. The first thing that came into my mind when I saw this photo was, of course, P. Willy is a lucky bastard. And then secondly, Grace Kelly.

Have I ever told you that Grace Kelly's wedding gown is my all time favourite?

Grace Patricia Kelly, Princess consort of Monaco

November 12 1929 - September 14 1982

Grace Kelly's wedding gown was designed by her costume designer, Helen Rose. According to maisiefantaisie.co.uk, Grace’s wedding gown was the most expensive design that Helen Rose had ever made. It used twenty-five yards of silk taffeta and one hundred yards of silk net. Its 125-year-old rose point lace was purchased from a museum and thousants of tiny pearls were sewn on the veil. Grace was 26 years old.

What about Kate's?

Catherine Middleton's dress was designed by Sarah Burton at Alexander McQueen. The veil is long, sheer, and modern. It showcases her hair, which she is wearing down. The veil is made of layers of soft, ivory silk tulle with a trim of hand-embroidered flowers, which was embroidered by the Royal School of Needlework. The veil is held in place by a Cartier 'halo' tiara, lent to Middleton by the Queen. It's a simple but very elegant look. She is wearing a train that measures over six feet. The sleeves are long and lace. The front is cut in a low V. More about the gown here.

My review:

I bloody love both dresses so asghdhdsfkjshdkjashdjk. Apart from tables, to me laces usually don't look good on anything. Especially on human. But IF the laces look good on you, then they look good on you... I mean!! Not everyone can wear laces and look good. Yes, laces are pretty, but if they don't suit you, they can make you look like you're wearing your grandma's table cloth or curtain. Yeah, I love laces. They look vintage and sexy (once again, if they suit you.) Kate and Grace totally ROCKED the laces.

Pick one? God this is tough T___________________T I don't know man, can I have both of the dresses?

Anyway. I kept on tumbling, tumbling and tumbling and went through all the Royal Wedding posts ~~and think which part of my life went wrong.~~ LOLJK.

But seriously. T________________T Do you know that Kate was just a fangirl of P. Willy like everyone else in their University back then? She even suffered bullying. The percentage of enrollment at the University St Andrews that year grew 44%, and 9 out of 10 students were women. It was “impossible“ to draw the attention of the prince in the middle of that crowd, it was “impossible“ to have a chance with him at all. LOL. If I put Marouane Chamakh's picture on my wall would I end up marrying him as well? LOLOLOLOLOLOLLL. Screw this dude. I'm marrying my pizza. T_____________________T

And then yeah, I found this too.

Credits to Yuri.

I thought they just making it up until I googled it. And yeah, it was true. P. Willy did say so to Kate.

“You look beautiful,” he told Kate Middleton, as she walked towards him in her Alexander McQueen dress.
- www.telegraph.co.uk, 12:25PM BST 29 Apr 2011

Brb dying.

I know this is irrelevant but the only thing boys ever tell me when they look into my eyes was "Uinah, Sarah, chubby sudah kaw." or "Ui, gila. Ko bulih kasi abis pula ah semua (makanan) tu?

T______________________T

Screw this one too dude. I'm marrying my pizza.

But yeah. It's wedding season, no? Everyone's getting married. I'm currently designing a wedding card for my colleague's younger brother.

To Prince William and Princess Kate, and everyone out there who is getting married soon, congratulations! May the marriage last forever, in sickness and in health and forsaking all other keep ye both only unto each other, so long as ye both shall live. -picked this line from the royal matrimony lol.

PS- My cellphone dropped when I was browsing through Will and Kate's pics on the internet. Rusak ah. Lawalah. :D

Duffy - Stepping Stone

2011-04-29T22:30:00.001+08:00

I remember way back way back when
I said i never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving yes you're loving somebody else
And I knew oh yes I knew I couldn't control myself
And now they bring you back into my life again
And so I put on a face just like your friend's
But I think you know oh yes you know whats going on
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

You used to call me up from time to time
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
The words of love layed on my lips just like a curse
And i knew oh yes i knew they'd only make it worse
And now you have the nerve to play along
Just like the maestro beats in a song
You got your kicks you get your kicks from playing me
And the less you give the more i want so foolishly

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own...

No I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

Never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

World Graphic Design Day

2011-04-27T18:26:00.003+08:00

On April 27 every year.

"On this occasion, designers reflect and hope that an international network can contribute to a greater understanding between people and can help to build bridges where divides and inequities exist."

I ain't bullshittin' ay? Here are my proofs.

[Proof 1]

[Proof 2]

So,

Home is where my heart is ♥

2011-04-25T10:00:00.011+08:00

It all started last last Sunday when my boss told me this:

Boss: "Mandak, cuti kita ah Good Friday saaaaampai Easter. Ko tia maw balik kampung?"

Me: "Ah? Saturday pun cuti?"

Boss: "Iya. Thursday pun kita sampai 12:00PM jak."

Me: "Iya? Lawalaa... Balik kampung lah sia nih."

Then both of us laughed.

So my cousin Arnnie and I went to book our flight tickets. Departing at 8AM.

LOL Just kidding. Naik bas jak kami.

I didn't tell my parents that I'm coming to visit them, I thought they would be surprised but they were just. "Oh, hai girls!" =.=" Mom, don't you miss me?

The house. My parents new house hasn't fully finished yet. Because there are only 3 of them and 8374893498172 things to do. Manalah maw urus kebun, kedai runcit and the chickens. But I can see, the house is pretty ♥ It's a two-storey house, 2 toilets but no rooms yet. Papa, mama and bro sleep at downstairs while Arnnie and me sleep at upstairs.

Papa has gone thinner. Perhaps he's stressed about his financial since he's not working anymore. Yeah, waiting for your crops ready to harvest is really frustrating. But papa is patient. He waited 20+ years to have his own house on his own land and been through everything to finally be here. Just a few months of waiting won't kill, Insyallah. He was so enthusiastic bringing me around his farm and telling me about his crops. The farm is pretty :) You can see Kimanis hill from it. Around 5PM, you start to feel the cool breeze and you can see the fog from afar. I swear it's really peaceful. But the most important thing is, papa and mama are happy to be there :)

I told papa earlier that I want a swing and I don't care I want a swing. So we made a swing.

Just in front of the house under the shade.

Our family cat. Meow Meow. He's waiting for his turn to ride on the swing.

But sorry Meow, the swing is mine as long as I'm here.

You can play with it when I'm not here.

Later that night, we went to visit Aunt Rose, Uncle Francis and the hyperactive nephew and nieces. The kids were so hyper and I forgot my age for a while.

Meet Baby V. For Vanessa. Don't get fooled by the face. This young lady right here is very very very very hyperactive. And she can get jealous easily if I layan her other siblings. Hehehehehh.

I'm pretty sure I'm not 20. Damn sure.

On Saturday, we went to print and photocopy mum's flyers for her new grocery. Then Arnnie and I went here:

Serius, nda sah pigi Keningau kalu sia nda singgah ni tempat.

My favourite hangout spot.

And then we all go to Keningau Mall and cry over the prices. Why?? Why?? Whyy??? Why bah all the cheap stuff have to be in Keningau??? Whyyyy??? Cute sandals under RM20, check. Kalau kuih di sini berapa kunu? RM1 for 3 pcs. You can get 4 pcs for RM1 there. Fried rice and noodles, RM1. Boleh tambah lauk, tetap RM1. Screw KK. T_________________T

Left home for KK on Sunday at 10AM. Just thinking about the daily routine when I get back makes me sick. Yeah literally, until I vomitted in the bus.

Wednesday Night Feevah ;)

2011-04-24T20:48:00.014+08:00

Last Wednesday around 9:30PM, I was at home eating burger as my dinner... alone. Thinking about how to finish my remaining 5 pages of Malaysian Studies assignment in one night. Then suddenly Sabby called. I thought she just called to check whether I'm still alive, but then she said:

"Emarald and I are coming to fetch you now!"

now

NOW

Damn.

I told her I have assignment but she didn't care. And I don't really give a fck about my assignment either. So they kidnapped me and we went to Karambunai (since I said I wanna go to the beach.) So, there you go. 3 ladies in a car on a really really quiet road. Yeah I admit, it was scary. But I don't say it out loud because I afraid I might scare the driver. LOL.

So what did we do in Karambunai? We cam-whored. Using Sabby's baby. :P

Damn you Paparazzi. Leave us alone. Hahahahaaa...

After 83749593240 attempts with the self-timer.

One of the very few pics where I look thin...

The restroom was empty. LOL. What do you expect?

Still in the restroom. But w/e. The lighting is superb. And so does the model.

Ini Sabby. Number dia zero one two - tekan tekan, tidak tahu. Hahahahaaa...

After Karambunai, there's McD.

Carbs at night. Whatevs.

The kidnappers.

Le victim.

We have no proper plan actually. Because all the good stuff come spontaneously! ;) These kidnappers finally sent me back at 1:30AM. (Sorry mum.) We stopped at 7Eleven near my house to buy a can of Red Bull. Since I still have an assignment to finish :D

And this one is interesting. When I was about to walk out of 7E, suddenly I heard a man crying. I can't see through the glass door because all I see was my reflection!!! And then I got really scared. What is this man going to do??? He must be drunk. What if he get into 7E with a knife or a gun and kill me and the shop keepers?? I hesitated. Should I go out? I might get killed. But yeah I did walk out lah because my girls are waiting for me in the car. Apparently the man was in the car with a woman, and he was crying. And so I got into the car quickly and tell my girls about it. Then we saw the man walked away, crying and the woman was still in the car. I don't know why but, jyeah. It was scary. And I might get killed.

No, I didn't finish my assignment. I asked my lecturer *cough* nicely *cough* to give me one more week for me to finish.

Hey, apa oh??? Ini kerja sepatutnya buat dalam masa 1 semester, saya baru kena bagi ini assignment. And I have to finish it in a week. So, I deserve an excuse. :)

I'll tell you about my trip to Keningau on my next post. I can't now. Sleepy eh. :/

Wanita Ketiga.

2011-04-18T21:07:00.006+08:00

"Hi sayang..."

Nafasku terhenti seketika membaca mesej itu. Biasanya, aku akan terus menekan butang reply dengan hati yang teruja. Entah mengapa hari ini ibu jari kanan seakan-akan kaku, begitu juga seluruh badan ini ketika menerima mesej dari si dia.

Jam dinding menunjukkan pukul 5 petang. Alisa, setiausahaku sudah bersiap sedia untuk pulang ke pangkuan keluarganya. Begitu juga yang lain, termasuk Uncle Jamal, pekerja yang paling berumur di antara kami. Walaupun beliau bekerja untukku, namun aku tetap menghormati beliau sebagai seorang yang lebih senior. Uncle Jamal adalah 'father figure' di kompeni ini, beruntunglah anak-anaknya kerana beliau bersifat sungguh penyayang. Aku tahu, semua ingin bergegas pulang, apatah lagi hari ini ialah hari Jumaat. Memang padanlah wajah Carol dan Ming Ming tampak berseri-seri sejak pagi tadi.

Aku memeriksa rekod temu janji dalam Blackberryku. Iya, memang aku ingat. Jika aku tidak menyimpannya dalam Blackberry, aku akan tetap ingat. Kerana aku memang menanti-nanti kedatangan hari ini sepanjang minggu. Dia telah membuat reservation khas di La Bella untuk dinner date.

Jangan, Hanim.

"Apa dah jadi dengan kau ni, Hanim? Kau ingat lagi masa Liya ambil buku rujukan tanpa minta izin dari kau? Kau marah kan?" Kata-kata bekas teman sebilik bermain di fikiranku.

"Hanim, please, you're an independent woman. You can get better than that!" Carol, rakan sekerjaku turut menasihatiku.

Independant woman. Sebut sahaja ayat ini, semua menjadi kagum. Apa tidaknya? Wanita adalah lemah berbanding lelaki, aku tidak menafikan sifat semulajadi ini. Dan pada hakikatnya sifat inilah yang sepatutnya menjadi senjata seorang Hawa untuk mendapatkan belas kasihan dan kasih sayang daripada si Adam. Kelemahan dan kelembutan wanita menjadi kontra kepada sifat lelaki yang gagah dan perkasa. Semakin lembut seorang wanita, maka semakin kelihatan gagahlah pasangannya itu. Tanya sahaja mana-mana kebanyakan lelaki, sudah tentu mereka inginkan pasangannya adalah seorang wanita yang feminin dan lembut. Lelaki sebagai ketua dalam segala hal, wanita sebagai pendorong.

Tetapi jika seorang wanita itu adalah independant woman, walau selembut mana, si lelaki akan tetap merasa inferior.

Namun wanita tetap wanita, yang sangat menginginkan kasih sayang daripada seorang Adam.

Sejauh manakah kasihmu itu, wahai Adam?

Semuanya bermula pada tanggal 21 Januari 2010, kami bertemu di satu mesyuarat antara syarikat. Pada mulanya, kami akan keluar makan tengahari bersama-sama atas tujuan kerja. Dari mula lagi, aku sudah faham bahawa dia adalah lelaki yang sudah berkahwin dan mempunyai 3 anak-anak kecil. Namun kami mempunyai banyak persamaan, dari segi pendapat mahupun kegemaran. Lama kelamaan, keakraban ini mencetuskan sebuah perasaan yang amat mengelirukan tapi dalam masa yang sama, sangat bahagia. Ini tidak normal, tidak baik, tidak sepatutnya dan sememangnya salah. Tapi kami hanyut... Aku hanyut dalam kebahagiaan yang dilarang ini...

Sewaktu aku membeli-belah untuk bekalan rumah di pasaraya pada 3 hari yang lepas, aku terserempak dengan Raudhah. Pemilik sah kepada lelaki yang aku gilai itu. Pada mulanya, aku ingin beredar dari situ kerana malu dengannya. Tetapi dia telah menjumpaiku sebelum aku sempat menghilangkan diri. Raudhah datang menyapaku dengan senyuman yang sangat manis dan budi pekertinya yang tinggi. Mungkin itulah yang menyebabkan si dia jatuh hati padanya dahulu. Hairan, mengapa si dia boleh menjalinkan hubungan denganku, sedangkan dia mempunyai seorang isteri yang solehah? Raudhah adalah seorang isteri yang setia dan percaya penuh kepada suaminya. Meski si dia selalu pulang lambat, namun Raudhah sedikit pun tidak pernah timbul rasa sangsi kepada suaminya, apatah lagi merungut.

Dia juga seorang wanita yang punya perasaan.

"Kalau Michelle Obama tu first lady, kau ni third lady! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Kata kawan karibku, Julia sambil ketawa berdekah-dekah mengejekku.

"Alang, tak baik ambil benda yang bukan milik kita..."

Kata-kata arwah ibu terngiang-ngiang di telinga. Aku seolah-olah terbangun dari lamunan yang panjang.

Bzz...

Telefon bimbitku bergetar lagi. You have a new text message.

"Sayang, ingat temu janji kita malam ini tau? :)"

Aku diam seketika, lalu menekan butang delete dan mematikan telefon bimbit.

Aku ingin bersendirian malam ini, dan malam-malam yang seterusnya... Sehingga Tuhan menemukan jodoh sebenarku.

*PS- Sorry for my grammar. BI nda pass. BM pun nda pass. T__________T

Cool story bro.

2011-04-13T21:11:00.003+08:00

Tell me you miss me only if you really do.

Or gtfo.

Gtfo, gtfo, gtfo.

And yeah, you still owe me a fucking pizza.

Fuck Sabah?

2011-04-12T09:14:00.005+08:00

Okay I'm in Web Design class now and my lecturer is going to start the class soon. So I'm going to make this quick.

But I have to extract the Adobe programs into my computer again since I reformatted Anna again yesterday. So screw class, I'm going to blog now.

Yesterday, a friend... Oh, 2 friends actually. Posted a link on my Facebook wall to a Facebook group called 'Fuck Sabah'. My reaction was, "LOL. Again?" So I clicked the link out of curiosity. Apparently, this hate group was created by a person from our neighbouring state. He invited lots of people but maybe he accidentally added some Sabahans to the group, then apa lagi, kancang lah turus brader brader kita. Tula, siapa suruh mess with Sabahans kan. Don't you know the men from my tribe hunt for human head as a symbol of manliness?

Sorry if my statement up there offends you. But my bros have every right to be angry about this. Try put yourself in our shoes, if a Sabahan starts a page that insults you guys, you'll have the same reaction as well.

But to be honest lah, my bros ask me to report this group but I didn't. Don't get me wrong, I love my state, this is my home, the place where I belong, of course I am upset with this. But I don't see this group as a threat, I mean, what's the worst that this admin can do anyway? This is nothing more than a childish act of a ~~man~~ boy.

As a Muslim, you see, we all know that we, Muslims are being labelled as 'terrorist' by the western worlds when in fact, there are only less than 1% of the Muslims are extremists out of 1.2 to 1.57 billion Muslims in the world. Like the Christians too, only a few of them wants to burn the Holy Quran while most of them condemned this act. Even other religious groups (including the Christians) in America. During the revolution in Egypt, the Christians form a human shield to protect our Muslim brothers while they were performing Salaat. If they can do this, why can't we, Malaysians, do this?

So to the admin, I know you're a Muslim. You do know how much it hurts to know that our brothers and sisters out there are labelled as 'terrorist' by some of the westerners. Tell you what, the person who wanted to burn The Holy Quran never actually know a Muslim personally. Look admin, you are no different from them, because you judge us Sabahans on perhaps, ~~a girl you've dated before~~ a person you hate because of his/her personality and COINCIDENTALLY he/she is a Sabahan. I know, we are human, tidak lari dari kesilapan. We judge people, that's normal. But please lah, do not judge a race based on one single person. You might not believe this, but most of my semenanjung friends who are currently residing in Sabah love this place. My lecturer and a pak cik from KL who's one of orang kuat Syukbah Dakwah Masjid Negeri Sabah said they like to be here. If you still don't believe me, come to Sabah and I'll be glad to show you how graceful we are. But if you still think we are langsi, LOL bro, you created a group called 'Fuck Sabah', now who's langsi?

And to my Sabahan homies. I know you're pissed at this but please, stop the cursing. And I know you guys have created a group called 'semenanjung anjing' as a response to this group. To that admin, if you're a real Sabahan, please please please delete that group. We don't do this in Sabah, right? We are NOT langsi. That's why the tourists love us. When they ask for direction, everyone is willing to help :) When we hang out in CP (or any cool hangout places in Sabah, even at the tamu or di tangah tangah hutan sama munyit munyit), we hang out with our Malays, Chinese, Indians and Native friends. We are courteous, homies, remember? Cuz in Sabah, that's how we roll~ ;)

To my semenanjung friends, I believe most of you aren't like this. Why? Because I have semenanjung friends and ~~I even dated one before~~ they are very nice. Saaaayang kamu!

Okay. Web Design class just ended. :/

Painting dreams into reality.

2011-04-08T19:25:00.004+08:00

Believe me, I wanted to blog so badly in this past 2 nights but I just can't. Too much work to do and when I was done, too sleepy pula. So tonight I'll force myself to update you guys about my (boring) life.

Hahahaa anyway, HELLO PEOPLE! How's your week? This week feels quite great for me because I got A for my tests ;) despite how busy I was juggling between school and work. Alhamdulillah :) Nothing much interesting in my workplace, LOL except my boss called me to her office held me until 9:30PM on Wednesday just to... talk?

When she's not in her bossy mode, she is actually a nice person to talk to. And very motivational. At first she called me to tell me about kenaikan pangkat (yeah, wtf I just work here for a month?) and kenaikan gaji. Hahahaa don't ask me how much, please? I can just say it's pretty huge amount for a young adult like me! Alhamdulillah. Then we talked and talked about life, she told me about her experiences... How she quit her high salary job to work as a graphic designer which was a 5 times lesser than her previous job pay. Because she loves to design. I know, some of you out there might think I was being so stupid to quit matriculation to chase my dream, but she is one of the very few who doesn't. She thinks it was a very brave decision and she knows it wasn't easy because she ever did that too lol. Her parents wanted her to study IT but she changed her course to Broadcasting (minor Journalism. I know, WOW.) It was very hard for her that she couldn't even sleep well at night. And I told her about how I cried for weeks before making this ridiculous decision. We kept on talking and realized we actually have so many things in common. LOL. Spirit animal rite thaerr.

She doesn't expect me to stay long in her company, because she sees my potential. Suddenly, she asked me about my plan and I told her about this wild dream I thougt of when I was doing my laundry a few days ago.

"I want to start a ____________ company. Hahahaaa... (Awkward laugh)"

(She stopped for a few seconds)

"I find it beautiful."

Then I was like, lol wtf? She actually believe that I could actually do it.

And then there comes my smile.

And I am determined.

Insyallah :)

Wait for it.

In other news, my mum called me on Monday and asked "Bila kaw maw datang sini?..." (I think her voice was a bit shaky) and my heart just broke into pieces D'X I replied her with "Bah, macam mana juga kan, ada sekolah, ada kerja lagi..." Yes, I'm bad. I am so bad. I am a horrible daughter. And I feel so horrible saying such thing to her. I feel like an ungrateful child... You know Si Tanggang? Yeah, I feel like I'm a modern female version of Tanggang. I never liked that character, I hate him. No, I loathe him. Memang padanlah kena sumpah jadi batu.

No, I don't wanna be Tanggang. That bitch.

Hah. I miss you ma. I'll take a few days off to visit you and papa anytime soon okay? So you can introduce me to your new pet cat. Sayang mama. :D

I would like to promote a good stuff here. The Exartmusthicate! This is a Sandakan based band and they are still looking for a frontman. Anyone interested and lives nearby can contact any of these boys through this page. If you love meeeeeeee you gotta love them too. They play some good music and I ain't bullshittin'. Check out their covers on their page.

And yes, I designed the logo.

So support them. :)

On a side note, I bought a very chic sandal for RM20. Clearance sale at Doss Wawasan Plaza . Tee-hee.

What else? Oh! Kain saya bertimbun belum dicuci. Great.

Child of The Headhunters Clan.

2011-04-02T22:21:00.005+08:00

I want to blog. I have a few things on my mind that I wanna tell you now before I completely forget.

You know my boss is like a mentor to me and one of my colleague Theresa who is also a graphic designer. Yesterday she gave us a super looooooooooong lecture about career, knowledge and life. Do you know that a bangau is actually a migratory bird??? They are from Siberia (that's why they have clean white feather :)) and come down to the equator climate on winter. LOL she knows it because she worked at Ministry of Environment before. She told me a lot about Murut culture and it really motivates me to know more about my own culture. Forget French and Spanish if I haven't master my own language! My boss is really a pain in the ass sometimes, when she disturbs or alters my designs I'll just nod and nod. I may look calm on the surface but actually the song Crawling by Linkin Park is blasting in my head.

Something like that.

Here's what interesting about my clan :)

"In the by-gone era, collecting heads of enemies served a very precise function in Murut society. A man can only get married after he has presented at least one head that he has hunted to the family of the desired girl. Heads also play a very important role in spiritual beliefs."

~ The Murut: People and Culture

LOL yeah. So think twice before you wanna marry me.

(I kid, I kid XD)

Read about our colourful Pesta Kalimaran here

and

A brief summary about my people on wiki.

I don't really have anything to do in the office just now so I design some wedding cards lol. As I was designing, then suddenly I thought of designing an invitation card for my parents' 25 years anniversary celebration on next year's 5th of September.

25 years.

That is so fookin long. I can't even stand a 3 months relationship. Tell you what, they didn't have any proper wedding ceremony back then... I mean just akad nikah and a small celebration with friends and family at home and then that's it. LOL. There's no use to have a posh wedding celebration if your relationship is no different from the Hollywood couples.

Alhamdulillah, 25 years and still going strong :)

And then today at around 4pm my boss said "...kita balik awal hari ini." I feel like hugging her.